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Stuff Jack Bauer Likes #3 – New Amsterdam on Fox

Jack Bauer — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:55:14 +0000

In 6 days, Jack Bauer has saved the world, been taken hostage, prevented the assassination of a president, helped bring down a corrupt president, been tortured, gave out plenty of torture, defused bombs, weeded out moles, watched many friends die, killed a few friends, witnessed a nuclear blast or two, shot his boss in the head, landed a 727 on a LA freeway, shot down a helicopter with a handgun, almost caused a war with China, reunited with his bastard son, cut off the hand of his daughter’s boyfriend…and in order to keep this post brief, I just to named a few.

When he’s done saving the day, Jack likes to sit back and watch New Amsterdam on Fox.

Surely you are thinking that Jack prefers something a little more low-brow like American Gladiators. No, Jack gets a kick out of the adventures of the immortal New York Detective John Amsterdam.

For those of you who are not familiar with the show (and judging by the ratings, that’s pretty much all of you) John Amsterdam was a Dutch soldier in New York way back in 1642. He saved the life of some Native American girl who in turn put a spell on him that gave him eternal life (until he finds true love). Which makes you wonder why she didn’t just cast the spell on herself and live forever to watch her native land develop into a haven for trust-fund babies and news anchorwomen who like to drop the F-bomb on live TV. Girl, you sold the whole island for a handful of beads, now a 500 sq ft. studio goes for over $2k a month.

So while Jack Bauer has had 6 really bad days, he’s able to wrap things up each season in about 24 hours. Amsterdam has been working on his love issue for going on 366 years! Jack thinks that’s cute. However there is one area that Amsterdam has Jack Bauer beat. During the whole season of Amsterdam…he didn’t go to the bathroom once. Jack admits that holding it for coming up on 400 years is impressive.

Sadly, New Amsterdam was canceled by Fox. This fall, Jack Bauer will have to chill out by checking out the hot Terminator chick or seeing if he’s smarter than a 5th grader.

Other Stuff Jack Bauer Likes
#1 – Cellular Telephones
#2 – Awesome Action Figures of Jack Bauer

Note: This is a blatant ripoff of my second favorite website Stuff White People Like

If you know of other things Jack Bauer likes, post them in the comments or send us an email.

Blogs.4Bauer Writers-Strike Substitute

Jack Bauer — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 02:31:01 +0000

They told you that there was no more CTU.
They told youÂ 24 was on hold.
They lied.

Are you tired of the writers telling you what you can and cannot watch?Â Then join us Monday night at 8pm ESTÂ at Blogs4Bauer where we’ll host the exclusive premier of the Writers-Strike Substitute for 24.Â

Why did we produce a Writers-Strike Substitute for 24, you ask?Â Well Fox rejected our script for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Â (Scene opens, a farm in New Jersey circa 1703)Â
Â (Enter Terminator with the “dom dom dom” music)Â
Terminator: Are ye Ezekiel Connor?
Â Ezekiel Connor: Yay, I am.
BANG.

The End

Spread the word: 24 returns tomorrow night!

Talk Like Jack Bauer Day – Monday, January 14

Jack Bauer — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:03:39 +0000

Since 2007 the first Monday of the new season of 24 has always been known worldwide as Talk Like Jack Bauer Day. Despite the fact that there’s not technically a new season of 24 on Monday, we are going to continue the tradition anyway. Dammit, it was supposed to be the first Monday of 24 and we’re not going to start a Talk Like Sarah Connor Day…even though it would be hard to distinguish the two.

That brings us to an interesting question. What would the difference be between Talk Like Jack Bauer Day and Talk Like Sarah Connor Day? You know, besides having to feather your hair and walk around in acid-washed jeans like Sarah Connor. Here’s how you would need to handle yourself in various situations on both TLJBD and TLSCD:

Co-worker: Hey man. Did you already get breakfast?
Jack Bauer: I killed 3 terrorists, defused a bomb, and saved a kitten. Does it sound like I’ve had time to eat breakfast yet, Dammit?
Sarah Connor: Do you think I’m stupid? The robots are coming to kill us all and you want me to grab an Egg McMuffin?

Boss: Hey, where are the reports I asked for?
Jack Bauer: (pull out stapler, move towards boss) I think the question you should be asking yourself is how are you going to read the reports after I staple your eyelids to the desk!
Sarah Connor: 3 billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997! All because you asked for a report….a report with pie charts!

Boss: Your actions and comments today have led to this, you’re fired!
Jack Bauer: Let’s just get one thing straight, I don’t work for you any more.
Sarah Connor: No, you’re terminated, sucker!

Do you know of any differences between Talk Like Jack Bauer Day and Talk Like Sarah Connor Day? Post them in the comments.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles – Sunday 1/13 8pm -Fox

Jack Bauer – Terminator team up on Monday

Jack Bauer — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:13:39 +0000

Jack Bauer and The Terminator will air back-to-back on Monday nights. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles will air prior to 24.Â Which means you can no longer call Jack Bauer “terminator” anymore as it could confuse people and don’t dare call him “Sarah”!

Fox is revamping its midseason sked, pairing the net’s upcoming “Terminator” TV series with the return of “24″ in January.

The newly retitled “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” will debut Monday, Jan. 14, at 8 p.m., followed by the season-seven bow of “24.” (Source)

Does this do anything for you Wyatt?

Alas, what does this do to K-ville very few people may ask. Who cares?