Blogs.4Bauer

Come back tonight at 8pm for live recaps of all the 24 Redemption action.

In the meantime – post your bet on the number of points will rack up tonight here.  Go Jets.

7:06

54 minutes until Jack is back!  Fox should be ashamed for keeping Jack Bauer off the TV for so long.  See what happens when Jack isn’t out killing terrorists!  Jack goes dormat – the executives of AIG raid the company.  Jack is off TV – Somali pirates hijack boats without fear of reprisal.  Do I even need to remind you that if Jack was in Georgia – the country not the Peach State – Russia would have left them the hell alone.

Well I want blood.  So until then – check out what we were up to while 24 was off the air.

24 Writers Strike Substitute
Stuff Jack Bauer Likes
a Picture of Kim Bauer
Talk Like Jack Bauer Day
The writers strike and you
The top villains of 24
A picture of Moon Bloodgood (our most trafficked post ever)

7:59:59…8:00:00pm

Jack is back!

Ok Season 6.5 opens up on an African school bus.  Wait no, they are 10 year old alcoholic soldiers.  Worst army ever.

What is this African Children of the Corn?

The following takes place between 3 and 5 pm.

While we wait for Jack to start killing dudes – let me tell you what I had to do in order to get my wife to allow me to watch 24 and post for 2 hours.  I had to watch Clueless AND My Big Fat Greek Wedding on TBS.

“You have a daughter”  “Yes, but she’s a moron”

Willie stole Jack Bauer’s knife and lived to see the 4th grade.  Jack is going soft.

Jack just got served.  We are fighting 2 wars, the economy is in the shitter and the government wants to serve legal papers to Jack Bauer.

What’s the colonel going to invade? Chuck E Cheese?

It’s always bad news when the bossman asks you to burn files and bury the ashes.

COME ON JACK – give me a “dammit” or something!

“DAMMIT” +1 point

The last few seasons of 24 have all started the same.  Jack Bauer tries to escape trouble…and trouble finds Jack Bauer.  Instead of LA – it’s Sengala.

Oh God – they have to play soccer. Africa is worse than I thought.

BANG BANG Recess is over!

3:21….Did they go 21 minutes without a commercial?

Commercial Break
I’d rather start an army of children in Africa than spend $30,000 on a Hyundai.
Homeless rich people…how low will Fox go (do I need to ask)?

3:26

WHAT?  A Hyundai tie-in.  Really Fox?  Are times that tough?

Madame President meet Caged Weasel.  24 Really jumped the shark on that one, we will call her Sarah Halin.

The Vice President did warn us that the new president would face a crisis if we elected them.

Female presidents always try to start conflicts.  In Commander in Chief – MacKenzie Allen almost started a nuclear war in more than one episode.  She invaded another country before the real president started to decompose.

Don’t worry little Mutombo – this show is called 24, I will be back to shoot some dudes.

Sprint Tie-in.  Nextel.  “I am going to save your kids, did I mention the reception on these Nextel phone is really clear”

Gloc – that’s a tie-in I can get behind!

Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1

Cardinal rule of 24 Villains – kill Jack Bauer when you have a chance.

3:44 – Commercial Break

I’d rather buy a $30kHyundai than watch Transporter 3 (aka Audi commercial with shooting).

Kill Counter = 11 points (10 kills, 1 Dammit)

3:49

This fancy eye-glass wearing side-burned scumbag has to go down.

Jack Kills a Dude +1

With his thighs of steel…don’t piss off Jack Bauer.   But what what was up with the guy and the rear-view mirror?

The UN is a worthless bunch.  Fox is not breaking any new ground there.

3:56 – Commercial Break

Hyundai Genesis – still a Hyundai…

Fringe – best new show on Fox (which isn’t saying much) but still a good show.

4:00 – Hour 2

24 always has more squirrley white dudes than a WWE event.

You know what I’m missing right about now?  That CTU ring tone.

HEY it’s General Rerun!

4:07 -  Commercial Break

21 minutes for the first commercial break – 7 minutes for this one.

Kill Counter Update = 12 points (11 kills, 1 Dammit)

I’d rather watch the new Adam Sandler movie than drive a Hyundai.  I saw that car at the NY Auto show – it is ugly…and a Hyundai.

Baby Ebay commercial – I just lost my diapers in the stock market.  Damn you AIG!!!

4:12

The nuke codes in the hands of a chick.  We are doomed.

Did that guy just take Jack’s “we don’t have enough time” line?

Helicopter – I sense a 5 pointer.

4:17 – Another freaking commercial break.

I’d rather watch Tom Cruise’s new movie than drive a…no, I’d drive a Hyundai before seeing that movie.

ZOMBIE Tony sighting (season 7 sneak peek).

4:21

Helicopter is in the air, which means it’s closer to being shot down by Jack Bauer.

Computer geeks are not the same when they are not Chloe.

Torture scenes are not the same when Jack Bauer isn’t involved.

4:27 Commercial Break.  Really Fox?

You can buy 24: Redemption on Tuesday.  It comes on a really small DVD because it’s only 16 minutes long without the Hyundai and movie commercials.

Kill Counter Update = 12 points (11 kills, 1 Dammit)

4:31 (or 6 minutes to another commercial)

Jack has shot a lot of African guys.  What does Jack have against black people?  If CAIR was upset about Jack killing Muslims, I bet Al Sharpton has already called the Fox studios.  Twice.

Only Jack can shoot down a helicopter with a handgun.

The kid runs back for a scarf that was originally going to Kim Bauer – and ends up screwing things up.  Once again, Kim Bauer finds a way to ruin Jack Bauer’s day.

“There’s no time Jack”…stealing Jack’s lines…that’s a death sentence.  Mr. Benton is deadmeat – no homework tonight!

Russian mine – probably won’t go off.  Nevermind.

4:40 – Commercial Break

malarianomore.org – the only commercial worth a damn.  Even though the site has crashed.

4:46

Willie!  Mr. Benton had blue eyes.  One blew there…one blew there.

Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1

The old Jack Bauer would have capped the kid.

Kill Counter Update = 15 points (14 kills, 1 Dammit)

Who are you?  He’s Jack “mother farking” Bauer.  Now open the gate.

DAMMIT +1

DAMMIT +1

That greaseball is going to get his.

4:59….5:00

Final Kill Counter Update = 17 points (14 kills, 3 Dammits)

Season 7 Preview

-Tony’s back – Chloe’s back.  Dude from Sons of Anarchy.  Explosions and an uzi.  I cannot wait.

So what did you think?

My thoughts.  I thought it was good.  When I heard Jack was going to be in Africa – I expected that Season 6 was not the worst that Fox could offer.  However this 2 hour installment was pretty good.  There was some old-school Jack Bauer shooting, and a few “dammits”.  I could have done without the filler with the junkie and would have liked fewer commercials.

The previews for Season 7 has me pumped up for January.  I said to myself that I wouldn’t waste my time blogging for Bauer if it meant sitting through another crappy season.  Last season was really hard to watch (and even harder to blog about).

Whatever we post about – we are all fans of 24 and want Fox to let Jack be Jack.  Hopefully we can just put Season 6 out of our memory (sort of like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom).  So stay tuned to Blogs4Bauer as we all gear up for Zombie Tony’s return in January.  If Jack Bauer can come back from the dead (twice), Tony can do it at least once.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

Jack Bauer’s back and he’s kicking some fake-African country warlord’s butt and rescuing orphans.  Plus 24 swears in their first female president (this show is so fake).  In the second hour he goes to Detroit and solves the woes of GM, Ford, and Chrysler…just kidding, even Jack Bauer couldn’t fix Chrysler. If he was given a third hour Jack would have taken care of the sub-prime mortgage problem with some jumper cables and a towel.

For this 2 hour power hour – we won’t have a fancy kill counter modulator thingamajig like we did last season.  Nope, we are going to a simple points-based system.

Here is the simple scoring system

Killing a dude = 1 point
Killing a good dude = -1 point
Killing a chick = 1 point (how’s that for equal rights)
Killing a kid = 0.5 point

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point
Shooting down a helicopter = 5 points

Let me know if you have any additional points-based suggestions in the comments.  We will post the final rules prior to Sunday’s airing of 24: Redemption.

This Sunday, fans will get a chance to check out 3 minutes of the upcoming Season 7 prequel that will air in November.  The sneak peek will occur between 8-8:30 pm on FOX.

The roughly-three-minute preview, airing Sunday between 8-8:30 p.m., will feature clips from “Redemption,” which finds hero CTU agent Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) in Africa – battling yet another international crisis – while a new president is about to be inaugurated back home in the US. (NY Post)

When you are done watching Jack in Africa, check out the new show Fringe.  It’s a show which has writers that are not writing plots based off a series of dares like 24.  The first episode will reair after the 24 sneak peek.

New shows I’m watching
-Sons of Anarchy
-Fringe
Shows I’m no longer watching
-Prison Break

I ran across a few posts on the internet claiming to have the trailer for the 2 hour prequel to 24: Season 7.

The trailer doesn’t have the cool 24 voice over, however it does have a female president being sworn in (sorry Hillary).  It does have Caged Weasel and VP Jim Jones.  It does have Jack Bauer aiming a gun at a little African boy.  What the hell?

It is hard to describe how stupid this “trailer” really is. If this thing is legit, it makes me wonder why to continue watching this garbage come January.  I thought the whole “Jack in Africa” thing was really a joke.

Do they even have full-time writers anymore and are they basing most of this season on a series of dares?

Sit back and enjoy watching the car wreck.  Let me know in the comments what you think.  Maybe I’m just drunk or clinging on to hopes Jack Bauer will return to his old self.  You know…slamming beers, farting lighting and torturing anyone who has a funny last name.

Dear Fox,

Please stop adding guest stars for the upcoming season.  Rumors have it that Julia Roberts is going to guest star alongside Jack Bauer.  Enough already.  Who’s next?  The entire cast of Friends?  Brett Farve? Pee-wee Herman?

Seriously, you have a top-notch cast and sub-par writing.  Guess which one the fans want you to work on?

On that note, don’t put Jack Bauer in Africa unless he’s there to knock off Audrey.

Thanks,

Blogs4Bauer

Carlyle, who’s going to be in the Season 7 prequel movie in November playing Jack’s long-lost best bud, claimed that the two-hour prequel would be the first two hours of Day 7.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Wrong!

I’m quite relieved, as that would have been supremely stupid. I can just see Jack’s plane ride back from Africa, with Congress waiting to hear his testimony.

15:13: Jack settles into coach. The person in front of him reclines and they haven’t even taxied the runway yet. Jack yanks his seat belt off his seat, wraps it around the guy’s neck, yelling, “Dammit! Can’t you even wait for us to take off? Try that again and I’ll shove a towel down your throat and then pull it back up!”

18:28: Jack can’t nap. Asks for an extra pillow. Stewardess tells him she’ll take a look for one. He leaps from his seat, shoves her up against the wall of the galley, holding her by the neck, yelling, “Dammit! I don’t have time for you to look!” She suggests he lay off the caffeinated drinks for the rest of the trip.

00:34: Jack has been drinking in hopes of falling asleep. He’s leaning over his seatmate, slurring, “And then Kim – KIIIIMMMMMM! – stopped talking to me just becaush my partner killed her mommy. TERRRIIIIII!” Breaks down sobbing. Stewardess cuts off the alcohol supply. He slams her up against the wall of the galley, holding her by the neck.

Please add your suggestions in the comments below.

By the way, I compiled a whole lot of bloggy stuff about Jack and Kiefer here, if you care to peruse.

Season 6.5 is on the verge of starting filming, and it’s going to be filmed in South Africa, apparently.

A writer for iAfrica.com stopped by some unfinished bridge in Cape Town to snap a pic to illustrate where he (she?) thought would be a good site for the telemovie/prequel/way to tide very impatient 24 fans over. A very nondescript yet professional film crew of sorts was out there, scouting the scene.

There were no markings on any of the trucks and it was all very hush-hush, unlike CTU.

Then, a barely literate reader of this site had this to say:

when my brother was picking up a friend at the airport at 8.40 this morning he saw the wonderfull kiefer coming off a BA flight arriving in Cape Town. i was very dissapointed to have missed all the excitement.

To avoid spoilers, the scripts being given to South Africans auditioning for walk-on roles and the like are rather oblique:

A Cape Town actor-mole I know went to an audition for it about two weeks ago and according to him the script was so cryptic you couldn’t work out what was going on context-wise — to protect the storyline.

They’d better keep spoilers to a minimum this year, though. Almost every frakkin’ spoiler last season was inaccurate, except the one about drain-bamaged Audrey. Why couldn’t that have been wrong?

“24,” missing this season because of the three-month writer’s strike, will finally begin its seventh season in January, settling back into its usual 9-10 p.m. Monday time slot. To bridge the long gap between agent Jack Bauer’s Day Six and Seven, Fox will air a two-hour prequel special at 8 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 23. (Source)

Jack Bauer returns to face the longest 2 hours (including commercial breaks) of his life this November!

Who is this “Jack Bauer” you ask?

For those of you who forgot, Jack Bauer is the protagonist of the Fox television series 24. Bauer is a member of a highly inept operation called CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit). CTU’s main role is to get in the way of Jack Bauer as he works his way through plot twists, love triangles, terrorists, and the occasional family member(s). Bauer is so good at his job, he is able to end any terrorist threat in or just under 24 hours. He’s also known to regularly avoid traffic, bathrooms, and bullets.

Jack Bauer once strangled a terrorist with a cordless phone. Jack doesn’t try to win the hearts and minds of terrorists, he rips them out and stores them in his locker. Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass, all he found inside was a mirror. Bauer is not word, it is a sentence…A death sentence.

Finally, Jack Bauer killed RoboCop. Chew on that.