I will say it again to let it sink in.  

Freddie Prinze Jr. will join the cast next season.  He’ll play Davis Cole who may or may not be upset because his name is actually two last names.

That shriek is either your 13 year old daughter and/or Andrew Sullivan.  

Personally, I’ve been watching 24 since Day 1-Hour 1 so it’d take a lot more to stop me from turning in for the Jack Bauer Power Hour.  However if Adam Lambert joins the cast, I’m out.

Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/blogs4bauer

Will the Phoenix Suns benefit from the Shaq trade, will Hillary waterboard Gloria Steinem in her basement, can CTU LA and CTU Milwaukee put their differences behind them and work together to save Detroit? Find out the answer to at least one of these tonight on The Blogs.4Bauer 24 Writers-Strike Substitute.

Episode 1 and 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8

I mean, this says it all:

“This deal is the single largest European brand statement so far for Fox and the ’24′ property,” says Carl Lumbard, SVP & Managing Director of Fox Licensing and Merchandising, Europe. “Brand synergy within a partnership is key to the success of a product, and it’s essential to focus on making that partnership right. Here we see the all-action, intense nature of the ’24′ series matched with an energy-inducing stimulation drink.”

Source

It’s from Cott Corp., “one of the world’s largest non-alcoholic beverage companies” offers the drink in both regular and diet, natch.

The drink’s cans hold 44cl (hey, it’s in metrics, because it’s not the U.S., get over it).

This doesn’t, however, address the issue of whether anyone on the show ever actually drinks.

Or eats. Or takes a piss.

Drink too many of these and that last one could be come quite a problem.

It could, however, come in handy on the next Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, to get your energy level up there.

By the way, did anyone tell these folks that CTU’s been disbanded and is not going to be in Season 7?

Partially cross-posted on Remote Access. 

tck….tck….tck……

Get used to the fact that Fox’s new season of 24 is just not going to happen any time soon. Blame the booze, the strike, your cat, but don’t blame us. Blogs4Bauer is proud to present the first of 24 original episodes of 24. You won’t see this on Fox unless their lawyers do.

We hope you enjoy the special double-episode premier of parts 1 and 2 of our series; we’ll post another episode every Monday at 9pm EST.

The Place: CTU – Los Angeles
The Time: Present
(click to enlarge)

Episode 1

Previously on the Blogs.4Bauer Writers-Strike Substitute for 24
Tension mounts at CTU as Potatoes O’Brian and the new CTU Director discuss the latest threat to our country that needs to be dealt with over a period of exactly 24 hours. O’Brian has discovered that Terrorist masterminds have been planning their next diabolical plot using LOLCats to send messages to their sleeper cells.

One particular coded message states the target….Detroit. CTU-Los Angeles then springs into action, plotting where to go for lunch.

Episode 2

Next week on the Blogs.4Bauer Writers-Strike Substitute for 24
Panic spreads as CTU-Los Angeles cannot decide on lunch. Oh, and Detroit inches closer to being nuked.

Do you have an idea on how the story should unfold, post a comment and we may include it in a future episode.

Are you tired of the writers telling you what you can and cannot watch?  Then join us Monday night at 8pm EST at Blogs4Bauer where we’ll host the exclusive premier of the Writers-Strike Substitute for 24. 

Why did we produce a Writers-Strike Substitute for 24, you ask?  Well Fox rejected our script for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

  (Scene opens, a farm in New Jersey circa 1703) 
 (Enter Terminator with the “dom dom dom” music) 
Terminator: Are ye Ezekiel Connor?
 Ezekiel Connor: Yay, I am.
BANG.

The End

Spread the word: 24 returns tomorrow night!

Mike Huckabee – President Logan
Hillary Clinton – Martha Logan

With the Logans out of the picture, it gets more difficult. Here’s the next 2008-24 comparison.

Mitt Romney — Bill Buchanan

Who: One managed a dysfunctional organization hellbent on running itself into the ground, the other told Chloe she has a personality disorder.

The first thing I thought made these two similar was the fact that both have above average…No, superb leadership and management skills. Romney took the reins of the Salt Lake Olympics and turned a profit. He also had his hands full as governor of Massachusetts raising taxes and leading the Red Sox to two World Series titles.

Bill (aka Chiggy Killer) took over the reins of CTU from Ryan Chappelle who was shot by in the head by Jack Bauer. He worked hard and kept CTU running through the infamous nerve gas attack, Jack’s fake death, moles, a possible sexual harassment case, Jack’s return from China, the nuke, and finally for all his hard work he was fired. By his wife. The CTU softball team also won 2 Softball championships thanks in part to the play of Jack Bauer at 3rd base.

Bill and Mitt both have names that contain only 4 letters that end in double-consonants as well as the same hair.

Next up: Barack Obama

Have any suggestions for the candidates-24 comparison? Post them in the comments.

Name: Ramon Salazar
Season: Three
Occupation: Drug Kingpin
First seen: 1:00pm – Day 3
Last Seen: 1:00am – Day 3
Status: Dead

Despite what you may think, Ramon Salazar isn’t a side dish at trendy Spanish restaurants. Ramon Salazar isn’t the Hispanic guy on Desperate Housewives. Ramon Salazar isn’t the guy we removed from power in Panama many years ago. Finally, Ramon Salazar is was not Phil Hartman.

No, Ramon Salazar was your standard run-of-the mill drug kingpin who ended up playing Russian Roulette with Jack Bauer after the CTU agent breaks INTO a prison, a riot breaks out, and the two are forced to play Russian Roulette after Bauer breaks into a prison (oops, I was stuck in a 24 plot loop).

Ramon was in jail when Season 3 starts. Hell shouldn’t I be writing this profile about his brother, Hector Salazar? I would be writing this about Hector, if it wasn’t for Ramon shooting his own brother…and the aforementioned Russian Roulette game which prompted Fox to have Jack Bauer film a PSA on gun safety. Hint: Kids, it’s dangerous to load a gun and point it at your forehead while pulling the trigger, unless your name is Jack Bauer.

So why are we here? Oh, yeah, Ramon and his brother were going to release the infamous Cordilla virus. No, the Cordilla isn’t a soft taco wrapped with a hard outer shell with 2 meats and a cheesy core at Taco Bell for $1.99. The virus was made in The Ukraine and imported to LA. It causes nose-bleeds, bad breath, hemorrhaging, skin abscesses and eventually death. Michelle Dessler was infected, but having slept with Tony Almeida, she was immune to the ill effects of the virus.

So Jack’s undercover, in Mexico, surrounded by drug dealers. So basically…a typical Wednesday night for Kiefer Sutherland. Jack was tested by the Salazars who asked Bauer to shoot his partner, Chase Edmunds. Jack pulls the trigger – click – the gun was empty (we all know that he has no problems with thinning CTU’s payroll on his own). Hector was convinced, so Ramon shot and killed him.

The virus was put up for sale on Ebay and Nina Myers won with a last minute bid to beat out Ramon (also known as kidFunKY223). And here’s where it get’s weird.

Nina gets kidnapped and is forced to turn over a vial containing the virus. Ramon then pulls a gun on Jack and Chase Edmunds shoots Ramon with a sniper rifle. Then Delta company swoops in (late), Jack kills a few dudes with a knife, something explodes, and Ramon escapes. Later (aka 1 commercial break) Jack corners Ramon and tells him “it’s over”. Wait, he actually said “IT’S OVER”. Ramon threatens to unleash the virus; instead the vial explodes – killing Ramon. He fell for the exploding Cordilla virus trick! Jack Bauer will later use this same trick with an exploding memory stick.

Ramon Salazar: (after sparing Jack’s life) The man has more lives than a cat.

In our Villain matrix, Ramon scores pretty high on Meanness for killing his brother. He also scores well for Coolness because of his cool name. However, he didn’t last long so his Reign of Terror is low.

Final Rankings (out of 10)
Meanness: 8
Coolness: 6
Reign of Terror: 2
Sexiness: 5
Total Points: 21

I read on Blogs4Bauer that Tony Almeida is coming back for Season 7 and I think that’s really great. Tony was a real swell guy and never got a silent clock. Come to mention it, I never got a silent clock…can I come back for Season 7 as well. Please?

Seriously, I would really like to come back next season and I have some great ideas that would really help the writers of the show. Are you listening Manny Coto, you no-talent hack? Jack in Africa? What in the hell were you thinking?

The first thing I’d do is give me a better name, Lynn is a girl’s name and I was always getting teased by the CTU security staff. How does Lance Powers sound? Powers and Bauer, we could be nicknamed Bacardi and Baileys. Watch out bad guys – here comes Powers and Bauer! Sorry Jack, I meant Bauer and Powers.

I would also need an eye patch, a mustache, and a motorcycle. No make that two eye patches. Have I mentioned the midgets? We’d need at least three that would be there to serve us drinks and fetch babes. Then we need a cool black dude who’s only role is to wear aviator sun glasses and say cool things like “damn bro’ that’s gonna leave a mark” and “he did not see that coming“.

Well that’s all that I’ve come up with so far. There’s this one storyline involving an underground dolphin fighting ring, but I’ve yet to hear back from Brett Farve on his availability.

Powers out.