In the meantime – post your bet on the number of points will rack up tonight here.  Go Jets.

7:06

54 minutes until Jack is back!  Fox should be ashamed for keeping Jack Bauer off the TV for so long.  See what happens when Jack isn’t out killing terrorists!  Jack goes dormat – the executives of AIG raid the company.  Jack is off TV – Somali pirates hijack boats without fear of reprisal.  Do I even need to remind you that if Jack was in Georgia – the country not the Peach State – Russia would have left them the hell alone.

Well I want blood.  So until then – check out what we were up to while 24 was off the air.

24 Writers Strike Substitute
Stuff Jack Bauer Likes
a Picture of Kim Bauer
Talk Like Jack Bauer Day
The writers strike and you
The top villains of 24
A picture of Moon Bloodgood (our most trafficked post ever)

7:59:59…8:00:00pm

Jack is back!

Ok Season 6.5 opens up on an African school bus.  Wait no, they are 10 year old alcoholic soldiers.  Worst army ever.

What is this African Children of the Corn?

The following takes place between 3 and 5 pm.

While we wait for Jack to start killing dudes – let me tell you what I had to do in order to get my wife to allow me to watch 24 and post for 2 hours.  I had to watch Clueless AND My Big Fat Greek Wedding on TBS.

“You have a daughter”  “Yes, but she’s a moron”

Willie stole Jack Bauer’s knife and lived to see the 4th grade.  Jack is going soft.

Jack just got served.  We are fighting 2 wars, the economy is in the shitter and the government wants to serve legal papers to Jack Bauer.

What’s the colonel going to invade? Chuck E Cheese?

It’s always bad news when the bossman asks you to burn files and bury the ashes.

COME ON JACK – give me a “dammit” or something!

“DAMMIT” +1 point

The last few seasons of 24 have all started the same.  Jack Bauer tries to escape trouble…and trouble finds Jack Bauer.  Instead of LA – it’s Sengala.

Oh God – they have to play soccer. Africa is worse than I thought.

BANG BANG Recess is over!

3:21….Did they go 21 minutes without a commercial?

Commercial Break
I’d rather start an army of children in Africa than spend $30,000 on a Hyundai.
Homeless rich people…how low will Fox go (do I need to ask)?

3:26

WHAT?  A Hyundai tie-in.  Really Fox?  Are times that tough?

Madame President meet Caged Weasel.  24 Really jumped the shark on that one, we will call her Sarah Halin.

The Vice President did warn us that the new president would face a crisis if we elected them.

Female presidents always try to start conflicts.  In Commander in Chief – MacKenzie Allen almost started a nuclear war in more than one episode.  She invaded another country before the real president started to decompose.

Don’t worry little Mutombo – this show is called 24, I will be back to shoot some dudes.

Sprint Tie-in.  Nextel.  “I am going to save your kids, did I mention the reception on these Nextel phone is really clear”

Gloc – that’s a tie-in I can get behind!

Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1

Cardinal rule of 24 Villains – kill Jack Bauer when you have a chance.

3:44 – Commercial Break

I’d rather buy a $30kHyundai than watch Transporter 3 (aka Audi commercial with shooting).

Kill Counter = 11 points (10 kills, 1 Dammit)

3:49

This fancy eye-glass wearing side-burned scumbag has to go down.

Jack Kills a Dude +1

With his thighs of steel…don’t piss off Jack Bauer.   But what what was up with the guy and the rear-view mirror?

The UN is a worthless bunch.  Fox is not breaking any new ground there.

3:56 – Commercial Break

Hyundai Genesis – still a Hyundai…

Fringe – best new show on Fox (which isn’t saying much) but still a good show.

4:00 – Hour 2

24 always has more squirrley white dudes than a WWE event.

You know what I’m missing right about now?  That CTU ring tone.

HEY it’s General Rerun!

4:07 -  Commercial Break

21 minutes for the first commercial break – 7 minutes for this one.

Kill Counter Update = 12 points (11 kills, 1 Dammit)

I’d rather watch the new Adam Sandler movie than drive a Hyundai.  I saw that car at the NY Auto show – it is ugly…and a Hyundai.

Baby Ebay commercial – I just lost my diapers in the stock market.  Damn you AIG!!!

4:12

The nuke codes in the hands of a chick.  We are doomed.

Did that guy just take Jack’s “we don’t have enough time” line?

Helicopter – I sense a 5 pointer.

4:17 – Another freaking commercial break.

I’d rather watch Tom Cruise’s new movie than drive a…no, I’d drive a Hyundai before seeing that movie.

ZOMBIE Tony sighting (season 7 sneak peek).

4:21

Helicopter is in the air, which means it’s closer to being shot down by Jack Bauer.

Computer geeks are not the same when they are not Chloe.

Torture scenes are not the same when Jack Bauer isn’t involved.

4:27 Commercial Break.  Really Fox?

You can buy 24: Redemption on Tuesday.  It comes on a really small DVD because it’s only 16 minutes long without the Hyundai and movie commercials.

Kill Counter Update = 12 points (11 kills, 1 Dammit)

4:31 (or 6 minutes to another commercial)

Jack has shot a lot of African guys.  What does Jack have against black people?  If CAIR was upset about Jack killing Muslims, I bet Al Sharpton has already called the Fox studios.  Twice.

Only Jack can shoot down a helicopter with a handgun.

The kid runs back for a scarf that was originally going to Kim Bauer – and ends up screwing things up.  Once again, Kim Bauer finds a way to ruin Jack Bauer’s day.

“There’s no time Jack”…stealing Jack’s lines…that’s a death sentence.  Mr. Benton is deadmeat – no homework tonight!

Russian mine – probably won’t go off.  Nevermind.

4:40 – Commercial Break

malarianomore.org – the only commercial worth a damn.  Even though the site has crashed.

4:46

Willie!  Mr. Benton had blue eyes.  One blew there…one blew there.

Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1

The old Jack Bauer would have capped the kid.

Kill Counter Update = 15 points (14 kills, 1 Dammit)

Who are you?  He’s Jack “mother farking” Bauer.  Now open the gate.

DAMMIT +1

DAMMIT +1

That greaseball is going to get his.

4:59….5:00

Final Kill Counter Update = 17 points (14 kills, 3 Dammits)

Season 7 Preview

-Tony’s back – Chloe’s back.  Dude from Sons of Anarchy.  Explosions and an uzi.  I cannot wait.

So what did you think?

My thoughts.  I thought it was good.  When I heard Jack was going to be in Africa – I expected that Season 6 was not the worst that Fox could offer.  However this 2 hour installment was pretty good.  There was some old-school Jack Bauer shooting, and a few “dammits”.  I could have done without the filler with the junkie and would have liked fewer commercials.

The previews for Season 7 has me pumped up for January.  I said to myself that I wouldn’t waste my time blogging for Bauer if it meant sitting through another crappy season.  Last season was really hard to watch (and even harder to blog about).

Whatever we post about – we are all fans of 24 and want Fox to let Jack be Jack.  Hopefully we can just put Season 6 out of our memory (sort of like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom).  So stay tuned to Blogs4Bauer as we all gear up for Zombie Tony’s return in January.  If Jack Bauer can come back from the dead (twice), Tony can do it at least once.

We could drink “24: CTU.” We do, thank goodness, have the writer’s strike substitute right here on B4B. And The Jack Sack is back in FULL swing (what flew out of Adam’s butt? Wait! Don’t answer that.)

But what if  –  perish the thought  — that’s just not enough?

Never fear, fellow lovers of Bauer. I am dedicating my life (just the spare time portion of it) to answering just that question and today I bring it to you in the form of … a comic book!

Yes, just like Season 7 was supposed to, 24: Cold Warriors takes place outside of the comfy confines of Los Angeles.

The 48-page comic book is set at a “remote communications station in Alaska during a huge snow storm where they try to stop a Russian terrorist from Jack’s past who wants to bring down all wireless communications in the U.S.”

Andrew Steven Harris, the “24 editor” for comic book publisher IDW, said the terrorist and his colleagues are former KGB.

They’re so dangerous that after the end of the Cold War, even their own government tried to assassinate them.

EVEN THEIR OWN GOVERNMENT  –  did you read that? Those wacky Russkies.

Want a preview? Well, here’s a link to a blog by the artist. He’s pretty much got Jack down, though I personally think the Chloe likeness could use some work..

This is quite some cause for concern, however.

If the writer’s strike were to end soon, what on earth are they going to do? Hell, if it ends later rather than sooner, I’m even more concerned, because by then Mary Lynn could be big as a house (or as big as Hollywood folks get, anyway. I was definitely the size of a beach bungalow, at least).

I’m guessing that she was normal Chloe size in the first eight or so episodes that were filmed. I’m sure Mary Lynn is quite thrilled and all (she told People she was), but I’m a bit ticked off.

Check this out for other, non-24-related Mary Lynn news.

Mike Huckabee – President Logan
Hillary Clinton – Martha Logan

With the Logans out of the picture, it gets more difficult. Here’s the next 2008-24 comparison.

Mitt Romney — Bill Buchanan

Who: One managed a dysfunctional organization hellbent on running itself into the ground, the other told Chloe she has a personality disorder.

The first thing I thought made these two similar was the fact that both have above average…No, superb leadership and management skills. Romney took the reins of the Salt Lake Olympics and turned a profit. He also had his hands full as governor of Massachusetts raising taxes and leading the Red Sox to two World Series titles.

Bill (aka Chiggy Killer) took over the reins of CTU from Ryan Chappelle who was shot by in the head by Jack Bauer. He worked hard and kept CTU running through the infamous nerve gas attack, Jack’s fake death, moles, a possible sexual harassment case, Jack’s return from China, the nuke, and finally for all his hard work he was fired. By his wife. The CTU softball team also won 2 Softball championships thanks in part to the play of Jack Bauer at 3rd base.

Bill and Mitt both have names that contain only 4 letters that end in double-consonants as well as the same hair.

Next up: Barack Obama

Have any suggestions for the candidates-24 comparison? Post them in the comments.

How’d I figure that out? Well, Mary Lynn Rajskub, our beloved (in a broad sense of that word) Chloe, told TVGuide.com the following:

I show up, time has passed and I have a 1-year-old and a wedding ring, [and I'm] calling Morris (Carlo Rota) while I’m busy. So far he’s taking care of the baby, but he’ll be around.

Now, I’ve been pregnant before, and trust me, you find out you’re pregnant well before three months are up. But I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. She has a busy job. Maybe she didn’t notice. So she was at most 3 months preggers when last we saw the lovely Russet Potato Face. That leaves 6 months of pregnancy, plus a year for the baby’s age, and presto change-o, you have a year and a half.

Now that we’ve established that I am at the very least competent in basic mathematics, I have this to say:

Morris is back? Ug. I’d have said Ugh, but he’s not worth the “h” at the end. That’s really freakin’ annoying, I have to say. I was kinda hoping to see Chloe wearing a Baby Bjorn and her little girl hacking into national security computers between naps and no Morris anywhere to be seen. I’m sure Carlo Rota is a perfectly nice man and actor, but I really hated Morris. OK, I didn’t hate him, but he sure as heck annoyed me.

Rajskub also put fans’ minds at ease: We weren’t the only ones stunned to find out Tony Almeida (Carlos Bernard) was returning.

I was pretty shocked that they brought [Bernard] back. It’s more about the shocking people that are living rather than the shocking deaths this year.

Now, what does that mean? Will dear, departed Edgar return from the great beyond? Maybe everyone Jack’s killed who worked for CTU will come back as zombies.

By the by, check out Remote Access for the first official pix of Jack from Season 7 (scroll down to the bottom).

In the premiere, Jack will hunt down Gabriel Schecter for information. This upscale man in his early 40s is a supplier of illegal contraband.

The good news is that this should mean the writers have gotten a clue. Of course, this could be totally wrong, as most of the spoilers from Season 7 were wildly inaccurate (except, dammit, the one about Audrey).

Anyhow, here’s some amusement, courtesy of my Jericho buddy, kricka:

Dammit! They killed Kenny!

And here’s a South Park Chloe I created:

Morris, if you don’t quite whining, I’m going to shoot you in the knee.

Blogs.4Bauer, as always, comes through. Not with a Chloe theme, but with two!

One note on the “Hot Dark Chloe” theme. I still have to do some tweaking to the css code to get the colors just right, but it should be viewable. Being color blind can be a pain sometimes.

Enjoy.