Blogs.4Bauer

With a heavy heart, I had to update CTU Heaven.  I removed Tony (for now) and added Milo “I’m banging Moon Bloodgood and you’re not” Pressman and Bill “Chiggy Killer” Buchanan.  

1) If you work with Jack Bauer, there’s a 75% chance that he’ll eventually attack you. Theres a pretty good chance you’ll die.  If your name rhymes with Shill Hughcannon or Flirtus Canning odds are you’ll get both.  Did Jack attack Ryan Chappelle prior to shooting him in the head?

2) There’s a company out there that makes and installs ridiculously large ventalation shafts.

3) Agent Larry “The Douche” Moss is really making Jack Bauer mad.  You don’t make Jack Bauer mad, just ask the telephone Jack tased in Episode 11.

4) Jon Voight may have driven a 1989 LeBaron, but he still makes one hell of a bad guy.

5) You won’t see torture scenes involving a baby and old men being offed for the hell of it on Heroes.

6) 24 fans really don’t care about global warming, even if you think juxtaposing a couple of 24 catch phrases in a PSA will do the trick.  Dammit.
24 Going Green PSA – Cherry Jones

1. Bill, knock off the mime crap 
2. Jack, you assaulted someone on your own side.  Do you know what that means?  CTU IS BACK!
3. Jack Bauer makes jail cells scared
4. Bill, tell Patrick Kennedy if he pukes on my shoes one more time…
5. Side effects of Jack Bauers hugs include sleepiness, loss of bowel movements, and jail time.

Got other possible captions? Post them in the comments.

Historically on Blogs4Bauer, you would be getting ground-breaking commentary about the upcoming season of 24. However, with the writer’s strike we are forced to fall back on comparing the 2008 presidential candidates with people on 24. It this keeps up we’ll resort to posting racy pictures of Kim Bauer and Moon Bloodgood.

Mike Huckabee – President Logan
Hillary Clinton – Martha Logan

With the Logans out of the picture, it gets more difficult. Here’s the next 2008-24 comparison.

Mitt Romney — Bill Buchanan

Who: One managed a dysfunctional organization hellbent on running itself into the ground, the other told Chloe she has a personality disorder.

The first thing I thought made these two similar was the fact that both have above average…No, superb leadership and management skills. Romney took the reins of the Salt Lake Olympics and turned a profit. He also had his hands full as governor of Massachusetts raising taxes and leading the Red Sox to two World Series titles.

Bill (aka Chiggy Killer) took over the reins of CTU from Ryan Chappelle who was shot by in the head by Jack Bauer. He worked hard and kept CTU running through the infamous nerve gas attack, Jack’s fake death, moles, a possible sexual harassment case, Jack’s return from China, the nuke, and finally for all his hard work he was fired. By his wife. The CTU softball team also won 2 Softball championships thanks in part to the play of Jack Bauer at 3rd base.

Bill and Mitt both have names that contain only 4 letters that end in double-consonants as well as the same hair.

Next up: Barack Obama

Have any suggestions for the candidates-24 comparison? Post them in the comments.

So, not too many details from James Morrison (not the dead Doors frontman, but rather the newly excellent Bill Buchanan) on Season 7, but he had a couple interesting things to say about 24 in an interview with Zap2it. (He’s appearing tonight on Numb3rs on CBS, in case you need a fix. He’s playing … wait for it … an FBI agent.)

He didn’t reveal any actual plot twists, but Buchanan “just may see some action,” he says.

They tried it last year and I didn’t blow it. I wound up being able to pilot a helicopter, which was a surprise to everybody, I think. So I guess he figures we can do it again.

He says has other skills that are “yet to be revealed,” too.

Still, don’t expect him to run around shooting people:

Bill’s a lover, not a fighter, so I don’t pack much heat. But I try to take the heat off of the guys who are packing the heat, let’s put it that way.

From the horse’s mouth itself:

Bill Buchanan will be back on 24 next season. How this got missed by everyone (except TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello), I can’t figure out.

Holy crap, Batman!

No word if Karen Hayes will return; I’m torn on that. On the one hand, her character really just annoys the shit outta me. On the other hand, I heart Bill and they’re married, and I just want him to be happy.

Eek. I think I just made myself throw up a little in my mouth.

Photo courtesy of Fox television.