1:00:00 to 1:13:54

Meanwhile, the Magic Bus pulls into an airplane hangar, Highlander/Tanneth hops out and promptly holds a gun to Jack’s head, drawing a rebuke from Zombie Tony. “Accursed mandrake!” he yells as Jack urges him to “take the shot.” So, Zombie Tony shoots Highlander/Tanneth. Meanwhile, Colonel Lionel Jefferson who is apparently working out of the MSNBC newsroom orders his guy, Tad Huffington IV, to pick up Morgan Freeman and shoot everybody so he can keep his diamonds.

1:18:04 to 1:26:58
So, Jack is persuading Morgan Freeman to trust him and let Potato Face put a secret transmitter in his teeth so he can infiltrate MSNBC headquarters and capture Lionel Jefferson. Morgan Freeman is reluctant, but Mrs. Freeman tells him he has to have courage. To which he replies, “Oh, gee, thanks, Mrs-Couldn’t-Wait-to-Pull-the-Chicken-Switch-in-the-Panic-Room.”

Also, Tanneth lays a guilt trip on Zombie Tony: “How could I ever have suspected a man I convinced to turn traitor to his own government would ever turn on me?” He also tells Zombie Tony to go to hell, which you can tell hurts Tony deeply.

Alfred the Butler is still trying to get President Cankles to “just back the hell off!” Colonel Lionel Jefferson meanwhile sets up two jets, one filled with 250 puppies, the other with 21 kittens, to crash into each other in a spectacular fireball. KA-BOOM!

1:31:12 to 1:36:28

President Cankles meets with her cabinet, who offer this advice. “Madam President, our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.” Cankles thanks Jimmy Carter for his advice, but says she is not backing down. She leaves, looking concerned and conflicted, holding out hope that Prime Minister Morgan Freeman can be recovered.

“Maybe the First Bald Dude can talk her out of this,” Alfred the Butler decides. “I’ll see if he’s hanging around in that chick’s apartment”

1:40:47 to 1:48:36
Potato Face shows Morgan Freeman the tiny transmitter. “Stand still while I jam this in your mouth.” “That’s what she said,” Morgan Freeman replies. Jack, meanwhile, apologizes to Zombie Streetwalker for shooting her and burying her alive, but also reminds her to count her blessings. “Every other woman I’ve ever liked has ended up dead or with Spam for brains, so, you’re actually doing pretty good.”

Anyway, first Bald First Dude is paralyzed in the apartment while Kevin Bacon acts out “Friday the Thirteenth” in front of him with the Skinny Gretchenish chick.

1:52:56 to 1:59:59
Tad Huffington IV pulls up in a van to pick up Morgan Freeman, claiming he iced Jack and Tanneth. Tad Huffington IV asks where Morgan Freeman is, and Zombie Tony says he’s on ice. Zombie Tony demands to see the ice before he gives up Morgan Freeman. Tony takes the diamonds, Tad’s men try to shoot him, but Zombie Tony and Jack drop them. They let Tad Huffington take Morgan Freeman to MSNBC headquarters.

Meanwhile, First Bald Dude recovers enough from his paralysis to use the Claw of Death to take out Kevin Bacon in a classic railing kill.

And Colonel Lionel Jefferson decides to kill 18,000 Americans by blowing up the Acme Deadly Chemicals plant in Kittenburg, Ohio.

Tck-Tock

8. Jack Bauer shoots his best friend. In the “awkward tragedy” department, Jack Bauer is forced to shoot his former partner and best friend, Curtis, during season six of 24. Okay, so it’s his only option when Curtis threatens to thwart Jack’s efforts to stop a nuclear threat involving several suitcase bombs. Still, why would you have to shoot him in the neck, Jack? Couldn’t you have popped Curtis in the leg or shoulder — just enough to make him drop his hostage so you could get on with saving the world? (TV Squad)

While that was a wee bit awkward and deserves a top 10 in the list of most awkward TV moments, I happen to think it was not the most awkward event to happen on 24.  Hell, it wasn’t the most awkward moment on that season of 24.

How about when Jack set to torturing his own brother, leading to his death by Pappy Bauer? Then having his former sister-in-law (who has a child that looks and acts an awfully lot like Jack) put the moves on him.  She leaned in for a kiss….and gets denied.  Especially since Jack ends up with his ex, Audrey Raines,  who went to China to search for Jack and came back with a brain full of play-do and spends her days talking like Paula Abdul and blowing spit bubbles….awkward.

I’m afraid Raver is being typecast as a bitch. How can this be? Heh.

OK, not the worst, because that would be a rumor that Audrey was returning in Season 7 (sorry, Sally Jo!). But damn(it!) close.

Mike Ausiello over at TVGuide.com is reporting that one of the options being considered in how to air Season 7 is this:

Another, and much more controversial, scenario being bandied about involves taking the eight episodes currently in the can and creating a 10- to 14-episode mini-season to air in the fall. That would be followed by another 10- to 14-episode mini-season — featuring a completely different plot — during the second half of the season.

I mean, what?

First off, you’d have to change the title to 8 and then the second half mini-season to 10-14.

Look, there’s an adrenaline rush that goes along with watching 24. It would be utterly craptacular to get it going and then just pull the rug out after only eight hours.

As much as I hate the thought of having another year to go before hearing Jack yell, “Dammit!” in primetime again, I’d rather wait until next January for a full, 24-hour season.

Two mini-seasons would suck. Just totally, utterly and completely SUCK.

Look at that, you’ve really pissed off Curtis now (can dead people be pissed off?):

Look, they’re bringing back Tony Almeida from the dead and Jack’s on trial. There’s no way they’re wrapping that up satisfactorily in eight episodes, I don’t care what anyone says. Eight episodes that weren’t designed from Day 1 to be an eight-episode mini-season ARE NOT A MINI-SEASON. Period. End of sentence.

Photo courtesy of Fox.

Annie Wersching is a lock. She’ll be an FBI agent squaring off against Jack. She’s being named as the “major new female lead.” Maybe she’ll finally get Jack’s mind off Audrey. (Please!)

Bob Gunton is the other name being dropped. He played SecDef Ethan Kanin in four episodes last season. In other words, he’s the guy who succeeded the best SecDef ever, James Heller. He’s also the guy who made Karen fire Bill. He’s in negotiations to become a regular this season.

Wersching’s claim to fame is as a star of General Hospital, playing Amelia Joffe. She’s also been in eps of Supernatural, Company Man, Boston Legal, Cold Case and lots of stuff like that. Gunton’s a character actor who’s been in tons of stuff.

If this entry sounds rushed, it was. I wanted to make sure to post it before bRight caught wind of it.