Blogs.4Bauer

Come back tonight at 8pm for live recaps of all the 24 Redemption action.

In the meantime – post your bet on the number of points will rack up tonight here.  Go Jets.

7:06

54 minutes until Jack is back!  Fox should be ashamed for keeping Jack Bauer off the TV for so long.  See what happens when Jack isn’t out killing terrorists!  Jack goes dormat – the executives of AIG raid the company.  Jack is off TV – Somali pirates hijack boats without fear of reprisal.  Do I even need to remind you that if Jack was in Georgia – the country not the Peach State – Russia would have left them the hell alone.

Well I want blood.  So until then – check out what we were up to while 24 was off the air.

24 Writers Strike Substitute
Stuff Jack Bauer Likes
a Picture of Kim Bauer
Talk Like Jack Bauer Day
The writers strike and you
The top villains of 24
A picture of Moon Bloodgood (our most trafficked post ever)

7:59:59…8:00:00pm

Jack is back!

Ok Season 6.5 opens up on an African school bus.  Wait no, they are 10 year old alcoholic soldiers.  Worst army ever.

What is this African Children of the Corn?

The following takes place between 3 and 5 pm.

While we wait for Jack to start killing dudes – let me tell you what I had to do in order to get my wife to allow me to watch 24 and post for 2 hours.  I had to watch Clueless AND My Big Fat Greek Wedding on TBS.

“You have a daughter”  “Yes, but she’s a moron”

Willie stole Jack Bauer’s knife and lived to see the 4th grade.  Jack is going soft.

Jack just got served.  We are fighting 2 wars, the economy is in the shitter and the government wants to serve legal papers to Jack Bauer.

What’s the colonel going to invade? Chuck E Cheese?

It’s always bad news when the bossman asks you to burn files and bury the ashes.

COME ON JACK – give me a “dammit” or something!

“DAMMIT” +1 point

The last few seasons of 24 have all started the same.  Jack Bauer tries to escape trouble…and trouble finds Jack Bauer.  Instead of LA – it’s Sengala.

Oh God – they have to play soccer. Africa is worse than I thought.

BANG BANG Recess is over!

3:21….Did they go 21 minutes without a commercial?

Commercial Break
I’d rather start an army of children in Africa than spend $30,000 on a Hyundai.
Homeless rich people…how low will Fox go (do I need to ask)?

3:26

WHAT?  A Hyundai tie-in.  Really Fox?  Are times that tough?

Madame President meet Caged Weasel.  24 Really jumped the shark on that one, we will call her Sarah Halin.

The Vice President did warn us that the new president would face a crisis if we elected them.

Female presidents always try to start conflicts.  In Commander in Chief – MacKenzie Allen almost started a nuclear war in more than one episode.  She invaded another country before the real president started to decompose.

Don’t worry little Mutombo – this show is called 24, I will be back to shoot some dudes.

Sprint Tie-in.  Nextel.  “I am going to save your kids, did I mention the reception on these Nextel phone is really clear”

Gloc – that’s a tie-in I can get behind!

Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1

Cardinal rule of 24 Villains – kill Jack Bauer when you have a chance.

3:44 – Commercial Break

I’d rather buy a $30kHyundai than watch Transporter 3 (aka Audi commercial with shooting).

Kill Counter = 11 points (10 kills, 1 Dammit)

3:49

This fancy eye-glass wearing side-burned scumbag has to go down.

Jack Kills a Dude +1

With his thighs of steel…don’t piss off Jack Bauer.   But what what was up with the guy and the rear-view mirror?

The UN is a worthless bunch.  Fox is not breaking any new ground there.

3:56 – Commercial Break

Hyundai Genesis – still a Hyundai…

Fringe – best new show on Fox (which isn’t saying much) but still a good show.

4:00 – Hour 2

24 always has more squirrley white dudes than a WWE event.

You know what I’m missing right about now?  That CTU ring tone.

HEY it’s General Rerun!

4:07 -  Commercial Break

21 minutes for the first commercial break – 7 minutes for this one.

Kill Counter Update = 12 points (11 kills, 1 Dammit)

I’d rather watch the new Adam Sandler movie than drive a Hyundai.  I saw that car at the NY Auto show – it is ugly…and a Hyundai.

Baby Ebay commercial – I just lost my diapers in the stock market.  Damn you AIG!!!

4:12

The nuke codes in the hands of a chick.  We are doomed.

Did that guy just take Jack’s “we don’t have enough time” line?

Helicopter – I sense a 5 pointer.

4:17 – Another freaking commercial break.

I’d rather watch Tom Cruise’s new movie than drive a…no, I’d drive a Hyundai before seeing that movie.

ZOMBIE Tony sighting (season 7 sneak peek).

4:21

Helicopter is in the air, which means it’s closer to being shot down by Jack Bauer.

Computer geeks are not the same when they are not Chloe.

Torture scenes are not the same when Jack Bauer isn’t involved.

4:27 Commercial Break.  Really Fox?

You can buy 24: Redemption on Tuesday.  It comes on a really small DVD because it’s only 16 minutes long without the Hyundai and movie commercials.

Kill Counter Update = 12 points (11 kills, 1 Dammit)

4:31 (or 6 minutes to another commercial)

Jack has shot a lot of African guys.  What does Jack have against black people?  If CAIR was upset about Jack killing Muslims, I bet Al Sharpton has already called the Fox studios.  Twice.

Only Jack can shoot down a helicopter with a handgun.

The kid runs back for a scarf that was originally going to Kim Bauer – and ends up screwing things up.  Once again, Kim Bauer finds a way to ruin Jack Bauer’s day.

“There’s no time Jack”…stealing Jack’s lines…that’s a death sentence.  Mr. Benton is deadmeat – no homework tonight!

Russian mine – probably won’t go off.  Nevermind.

4:40 – Commercial Break

malarianomore.org – the only commercial worth a damn.  Even though the site has crashed.

4:46

Willie!  Mr. Benton had blue eyes.  One blew there…one blew there.

Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1
Jack Kills a Dude +1

The old Jack Bauer would have capped the kid.

Kill Counter Update = 15 points (14 kills, 1 Dammit)

Who are you?  He’s Jack “mother farking” Bauer.  Now open the gate.

DAMMIT +1

DAMMIT +1

That greaseball is going to get his.

4:59….5:00

Final Kill Counter Update = 17 points (14 kills, 3 Dammits)

Season 7 Preview

-Tony’s back – Chloe’s back.  Dude from Sons of Anarchy.  Explosions and an uzi.  I cannot wait.

So what did you think?

My thoughts.  I thought it was good.  When I heard Jack was going to be in Africa – I expected that Season 6 was not the worst that Fox could offer.  However this 2 hour installment was pretty good.  There was some old-school Jack Bauer shooting, and a few “dammits”.  I could have done without the filler with the junkie and would have liked fewer commercials.

The previews for Season 7 has me pumped up for January.  I said to myself that I wouldn’t waste my time blogging for Bauer if it meant sitting through another crappy season.  Last season was really hard to watch (and even harder to blog about).

Whatever we post about – we are all fans of 24 and want Fox to let Jack be Jack.  Hopefully we can just put Season 6 out of our memory (sort of like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom).  So stay tuned to Blogs4Bauer as we all gear up for Zombie Tony’s return in January.  If Jack Bauer can come back from the dead (twice), Tony can do it at least once.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

Jack Bauer’s back and he’s kicking some fake-African country warlord’s butt and rescuing orphans.  Plus 24 swears in their first female president (this show is so fake).  In the second hour he goes to Detroit and solves the woes of GM, Ford, and Chrysler…just kidding, even Jack Bauer couldn’t fix Chrysler. If he was given a third hour Jack would have taken care of the sub-prime mortgage problem with some jumper cables and a towel.

For this 2 hour power hour – we won’t have a fancy kill counter modulator thingamajig like we did last season.  Nope, we are going to a simple points-based system.

Here is the simple scoring system

Killing a dude = 1 point
Killing a good dude = -1 point
Killing a chick = 1 point (how’s that for equal rights)
Killing a kid = 0.5 point

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point
Shooting down a helicopter = 5 points

Let me know if you have any additional points-based suggestions in the comments.  We will post the final rules prior to Sunday’s airing of 24: Redemption.

Dear Fox,

Please stop adding guest stars for the upcoming season.  Rumors have it that Julia Roberts is going to guest star alongside Jack Bauer.  Enough already.  Who’s next?  The entire cast of Friends?  Brett Farve? Pee-wee Herman?

Seriously, you have a top-notch cast and sub-par writing.  Guess which one the fans want you to work on?

On that note, don’t put Jack Bauer in Africa unless he’s there to knock off Audrey.

Thanks,

Blogs4Bauer

According to Fox, Jack Bauer is going to be one year closer to discounted pancakes at the IHOP when 24 returns this fall.

June 20, 2008 — JACK Bauer will be turning 52 when the popular Fox drama returns next year 

At least, he should be.

When “24” comes back next January, four years will have passed on the series, Fox officials confirmed yesterday.  (NY Post)

Jack Bauer….52?   He’s two years into his AARP membership and we are trusting someone him to save the world?  Fifty-two?  That got me thinking….just how old is Jack Bauer?

-John McCain was only 19 when Jack Bauer was born.
-Jack Bauer is older than Sputnik
-Jack Bauer is older than the Interstate Highway System which he uses to travel across LA in minutes, before it’s creation the same drive would have taken hours.
 -Jack Bauer is older than 14 MLB Baseball teams (Astros, Devil Rays, Marlins, Rockies, Mets, Blue Jays, LA Angels, Brewers, Diamondbacks, Rangers, Royals, Padres, Mariners, Nationals)
-Jack Bauer is older than the first video game. A technology that culminated with 24: the video game.
 -Jack Bauer is older than the Frisbee 
 -Jack Bauer is older than Randy Jackson, dog.
-Jack Bauer is older than video tape
-Jack Bauer is older than the transatlantic telephone cable
-Jack is older than the hard disk drive
-Jack Bauer is older than the Boeing 727 which he landed on a freeway in Season 5
And finally…
-Jack Bauer is older than Kiefer Sutherland

Check it out, the promo shot of the Season 7 cast and Jack Bauer. I guess Zombie Tony is in the background, climbing out of his grave at Arlington National Cemetery. Brains. Wait, is that Tony to the …ehh left no right of Jack?

Let me go on record as saying this is the worst Photoshopped picture to hit the intertubes since the kid on top of the World Trade Center with the airplane behind him.

UPDATE, from AmyV: I see I was beaten to the punch on this, but I can still provide some detail. Here’s the rest of the cast from the photo, from left to right:

• Rhys Coiro, as FBI agent Sean Hillinger

• Janeane Garofalo, as FBI agent Janis Gold.

• Jeffrey Nordling, as FBI agent Larry Moss

• Annie Wersching, as FBI agent Renee Walker

• Carlos Bernard, as Tony Almeida, newly returned from the dead and really pissed off about it.

• James Morrison, as Bill Buchanan (with a beard!)

• Mary Lynn Rajskub, as Chloe O’Brian, hair darker than ever

• Colm Feore, as first gent Henry Taylor

• Cherry Jones, as President Allison Taylor

• Bob Gunton, as SecDef Ethan Kanin

The TV squad recently published the Top 10 Awkward Moments on TV and 24 managed to make the list.

8. Jack Bauer shoots his best friend. In the “awkward tragedy” department, Jack Bauer is forced to shoot his former partner and best friend, Curtis, during season six of 24. Okay, so it’s his only option when Curtis threatens to thwart Jack’s efforts to stop a nuclear threat involving several suitcase bombs. Still, why would you have to shoot him in the neck, Jack? Couldn’t you have popped Curtis in the leg or shoulder — just enough to make him drop his hostage so you could get on with saving the world? (TV Squad)

While that was a wee bit awkward and deserves a top 10 in the list of most awkward TV moments, I happen to think it was not the most awkward event to happen on 24.  Hell, it wasn’t the most awkward moment on that season of 24.

How about when Jack set to torturing his own brother, leading to his death by Pappy Bauer? Then having his former sister-in-law (who has a child that looks and acts an awfully lot like Jack) put the moves on him.  She leaned in for a kiss….and gets denied.  Especially since Jack ends up with his ex, Audrey Raines,  who went to China to search for Jack and came back with a brain full of play-do and spends her days talking like Paula Abdul and blowing spit bubbles….awkward.

In this series “stuff Jack Bauer likes” we will write about stuff Jack Bauer really likes. We could talk about stuff that Jack doesn’t like, but that list somehow keeps getting shorter and shorter.

So the first thing we will talk about Jack liking is really obvious, cellular telephones. Jack’s cell phone has been a key sidekick since the first worst day of Jack Bauer’s life back in 2001. Since then his various cell phones have seen more and more face time. At one point last season, an entire episode was done entirely on cell phones. The use of the cell phone on 24 is so common that the subplot for Season 7 that had Jack Bauer in Africa was scrapped because he couldn’t get a decent signal on the Serengeti.

It’s a fact that the rise of the popularity of cell phones ties back to the rise of Jack Bauer, just check out the chart below. When the series premiered in late 2001, only 300 of 1,000 people had cell phones. By the time Season 6 started that number had risen to almost 900 in 1,000.

Jack Bauer’s cell phone never dials a wrong number, never needs charging, and never drops a call. The cell phone keeps Jack in touch with Presidents, CTU, his hot daughter, and terrorists alike. His trusty Treo even blew up a couple of terrorists in Season 5, we analyzed the phone in this post (which is still one of our more heavily trafficked pages – just after Moon Bloodgood’s picture). His cell phone is so important that in Season 5 Bauer revealed that he keeps a spare flip-phone just to turn over to bad guys in case he’s captured (which happens quite a bit).

Click below to see how Jack Bauer’s cell phone usage differs from the general public

So here’s to you, cellular telephone. Without you LA would have been nuked before Season 6 and 24 would not have been the same show.

Feel free to post other things Jack Bauer likes and we may include them in a future installment.

Note: This is a blatant ripoff of my second favorite website Stuff White People Like

The GlossLip blog today shared an interview that Marisol Nichols, Nadia Yassir herself, did with Source, the Scientology magazine.

GlossLip’s a big fan of 24, and was surprised to find out that Nichols is a disciple of L. Ron.

Will you all stop making cracks about Scientology? It’s really getting annoying. Terrorists are trying to blow up … well, something, somewhere and we just don’t have time for this, dammit!

I wasn’t, but that’s just because so many Hollywood types are that it doesn’t surprise me anymore. Lots of them, actually, were raised in the religion — Beck, for example. Wikipedia has a pretty extensive list of celebrity Scientologists. Doug E. Fresh? Jason Lee? Lisa Marie Presley? Greta Van Susteren? Edgar Winter? All Scientologists. Van Morrison, Christopher Reeve and Chaka Kahn are former Scientologists. Even Jerry Seinfeld said he “took a couple of courses.”

Here’s an excerpt of Nichols’ interview in Source mag, explaining how the religion has changed her for the better:

My assertion of rightness — which I used to really have — is gone. There’s a calmness to my space now. But oh yes, I move up and down the Tone Scale — now I know what moving UP and DOWN the Tone Scale means! In the same day, the same hour, the same session — it’s unbelievable! But it takes me higher and higher and higher towards freedom. I know I’m going to be free, and each session we get closer and closer to that.

 

Lots more excerpts on the GlossLip post linked to above, along with a definition of The Bridge and other info.

Check out Remote Access for a series of photos, newly captioned with all this in mind. Or, post yours here, with your caption ideas!

Photo courtesy of Fox.

A two-hour “prequel” telemovie for 24 has been set for fall, The Hollywood Reporter has reported.

Woo-hoo! We don’t have to wait ’til fall.

It’s supposed to “bridge the gap” between the Season 6 crapapalooza and the potentially awesome Season 7 with Tony Almeida’s triumphant return (OK, maybe not so triumphant, given that he’s a bad, bad man, it seems).

The Reporter said that yesterday, the show’s producers “began securing the show’s core cast members for the film.”

More to ponder later. Have ideas for the movie? Leave ‘em in the comments.