Charles “Batshit Crazy” Logan returns to 24

24_Season_Five_dfe6Turns out the Great Neck Stab of Season 6, which followed the Great Kiwi Toss of Season 6, was not fatal.

Yes, that means what you think it does: Charles Logan is alive. And will make an appearance in Season 8, says Michael Ausiello.

He and President Allison Taylor will have a tete-a-tete when she seeks his counsel (REALLY?) because of an “escalating threat.”

Should we start taking bets on when Aaron Pierce will go all Guantanamo on Logan’s ass? Wait. Aaron doesn’t roll that way. Jack’ll do it for him. Does anyone have a towel?

(Note: This is the only blog where I cannot get the goddamn photos to correctly justify. Don’t be hatin’.)

The Who’s Who of 2008 and 24

Don Surber got us thinking about the current cast of misfits running for president in real life and comparing them with the cast of misfits on the show 24. Surber likened Republican Mike Huckabee with evil former President Charles Logan. I cannot imagine Huckabee watching 24, with all its violence and flagrant use of the “D-word”. Plus his family is too busy shopping for clothes in the gift shop at Cracker Barrel on Monday nights.

All politics aside, here’s the first comparison we are going to post with the ever-narrowing group of candidates in 2008 and their 24 counterparts.

Hillary Clinton — Martha Logan

compare.jpg
Who: One is the wife of a lying, cheating former president who seems like they’re trying to ruin her life. The other is….well….uh…never mind.

Folks, the comparisons pretty much stop there as Martha Logan didn’t have plans after she left the White House (other than popping pills and finding comfort in the arms of one of her most trusted bodyguards). Hillary, on the other hand, wanted to use her time in the White House as an excuse to elect her President on her way to rule the world and then the universe, so she could truly provide “universal health care”.

Martha’s also hot in a batshit crazy sort-of way, where Hillary’s not.

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Martha also stabbed former President Logan, something Hillary has yet to attempt however I’m sure it’s crossed her mind on several occasions.

Next up: Mitt Romney

Have any suggestions for the candidates-24 comparison? Post them in the comments.

The Who’s Who of 24 Villains – The Bauers

Blogs4Bauer has ranked the hottest women of 24, now we’re looking at the people (and/or animals) we love to see Jack Bauer hate on. We rank em, Jack breaks ‘em and now we continue our listing of the Top 10 – 24 Villains of all time.

24_ep607-sc717_2000_f.jpgName: Phillip Bauer
Season: Six
Occupation: Former CEO, BXJ Technologies
First seen:
Day 6 11:00am-12:00pm
Last Seen:
Day 6 5:00am-6:00am
Status:
Deceased?

graembauer2.jpgName: Graem “Bluetooth” Bauer
Seasons: Five, Six
Occupation: CEO, BXJ Technologies
First seen:
Day 5 1:00am-2:00am
Last Seen:
Day 6 12:00pm-1:00pm
Status:
Deceased

Tell me your jaw didn’t drop when you realized Bluetooth was none other than Graem Bauer, Jack’s brother. OK, you’re lying. Your jaw did too drop.

First off, how could someone so soft and bald be of the same genetic material as Jack? Second, Bluetooth was a big bad, behind President Logan’s betrayal of the American people. How could Jack, whose first priority always is doing what’s best for his country, whether it’s even remotely what’s best for him or his loved ones.

Of course, a family like Jack’s could be exactly why he does what he does.

It is believed that Graem was involved in Walt Cummings having put a hit out on Jack, and that wouldn’t be too shocking. Day 5, the events of which he was at least in part behind, involved sending Sentox VX nerve gas to Russian separtists, who planned to smuggle it to Russia. But it was to be booby trapped, blowing up on the separatists, but showing there were WMDs in central Asia, making a better case for American intervention in the region.

And Graem ordered Logan to shoot down Flight 520 after he learned Jack was on board. He also ordered Logan to “take care of” his wife, Martha, and Agent Aaron Pierce. He also strongly suggested to Logan that he commit suicide when it appeared the plot would be revealed. In the end, he let the Chinese know Jack was still alive so they could kidnap and torture him.

Graem never was revealed to be behind the Day 5 shenanigans, clearing the way for Dmitri Gredenko to supply suitcase nukes to BXJ Technologies (the Bauer family company) and setting up Day 6.

Jack discovers in Day 6 that the suitcase nuke that went off in Valencia may have been at least tangentially connected to his father. He heads to Graem’s house to investigate. Graem, meanwhile, finds out Jack’s back in LA and opines that they should’ve just killed Jack when they had the chance.

24_605-sc555_068_f.jpgThis is when Jack tries to strangle him with an electrical cord. Graem’s also not as torture-proof as Jack and lets it spill that BXJ had hired the guy (Darren McCarthy) who ended up stealing the nukes from BXJ and sold them to the terrorists. Daddy Bauer is over at McCarthy’s office to erase any connection between them.

Graem and Phillip set up a fake Graem takeover of BXJ, with Graem ordering the guards to take Jack and Phillip into custody; CTU storms Graem’s house and arrests him while Jack and Phillip escape their guards and kill them. Rick Burke sets up an “interrogation” of Graem. Weasel boy ends up confessing to being involved in the murders of David Palmer, Michelle Dessler and Tony Almeida (not!).

Just before they’re about to take Graem to CTU, Phillip gets a moment alone with him. He congratulates Graem for keeping quiet about his involvement, then kills him. Thanks, Dad!

Over at CTU, Phillip does all sorts of nefarious things, such as ordering Gredenko killed. When he realizes his daughter-in-law Marilyn is going to try to help Jack find Gredenko, he asks to take Josh home with him, then calls Marilyn and tells her he killed Graem and will kill Josh, too, if she doesn’t lie to Jack.

The house Jack’s led to is booby-trapped and his entire TAC team is killed except him; Milo manages to spirit Marilyn away.

Phillip threatens Josh when Josh figures out grampa’s not such a nice guy.

No one’s life is worth the destruction of everything I’ve built.

24_610-sc1037_019_f.jpgJack offers his life in exchange for Josh’s and Papa Bauer takes the deal. Papa prepares to kill Jack, then they have a heart to heart, kind of, and Phillip leaves while Jack apologizes for being a disappointment to him. He leaves behind a PDA with a phone number on it. Jack calls it. Charles Logan answers and says he can lead Jack to Gredenko.

Phillip finds a way to get Chinese mercernaries into CTU so they can re-kidnap Josh (gramps really does love him) in exchange for a repaired FB sub-circuit board from one of the nukes.

Jack, Nadia and Morris (Morris?!) manage to overpower the Chinese, though they’d already spirited Josh outta there.

Phillip tells Josh he wants to take him away from “this ungrateful country” and go to China. (Yeah, because that nation is so grateful to its citizens.)

A couple hours and one blown up oil platform later, Doyle’s been blinded, Josh has been rescued and Bill Buchanan has a Bill Sack to complement Jack’s Jack Sack.

Is Josh Jack’s son? Is Josh Phillip’s son? Is Josh Graem’s son? Who the hell knows? By the end of Season 6 we didn’t even care anymore, though the producers have admitted that they had planned to reveal Phillip as his dad, but then thought that a bit too icky. (They were right, but wrong at the same time.)

Producers claim that Phillip died in the oil rig explosion, but there was a boat nearby and if Tony can come back from being pretty much certainly dead (we saw Jack crying while holding Tony’s dead body!!), then Phillip can certainly be alive considering we didn’t even see him die.

rank.jpgPhillip’s Final Rankings (out of 10)
Meanness: 10
Coolness: 7
Reign of Terror: 8
Sexiness: 1
Total Points: 26

Graem’s Final Rankings (out of 10)
Meanness: 10
Coolness: 3
Reign of Terror: 6
Sexiness: 1
Total Points: 20