Blogs.4Bauer

Counterpoint: Moooooooooooo!
By Jack Bauer

I was speaking with Audrey in Lower Manhattan about the latest perimeter breach — we were standing on a street corner because I had intel that the building was bugged when a mole came up to eavesdrop.

I’m pretty sure the mole was working with Nina, or maybe even trying to exact revenge for the Drazens, when he dared to say “Hello” to Audrey.

The conversation went down pretty much like this:

Mole: Hello … Audrey.

Audrey: [Gasp!] Eek, Jack! Help me!

Me: WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?

Mole: Me? I just … design women’s clothing. Yeah, women’s clothing.

Audrey: Really? Can I get some samples?

Me: Don’t use such a lame cover story! TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW! Who’s trying to kill President Palmer??? WHY IS KIM SO STUPID? Teri and I are both smart!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Because there was no wall right there, it was impossible for me to hold him by the neck against a wall, so I headbutted him.

Afterward, Chloe tried to remind me that President Palmer’s already dead, but I explained I was just trying to trick the mole into revealing more information.

I know that Charles Logan is the president now. Sheesh. Everyone keeps thinking I have mad cow or someth – mooooooooooooooooooooo.

Point: You broke my mother f-ing nose, bro.
by Jack McCollough

You probably don’t know me, but my name is Jack McCollough – the famous women’s wear designer.  Laugh all you want, however you’ll never wear my clothes because they are not sold at Lane Bryant or Dress Barn.  Why are you still laughing? 

Well screw you and screw Jack Bauer. Yes, screw you Jack Bauer.  Thanks for breaking my beautiful nose!  While I’m at it, thanks for ruining a nice pair of $1,500 Berluti shoes.  Those aren’t New Balance sneakers Mr. Bauer.

Look, I was just having a good time, talking to Ashley Olsen and Brooke Shields, when out of nowhere – Jack Bauer spins me around and the rest is tabloid history.  So here is how the conversation went down:

Me: Hello Brooke Shields
Brooke Shields: OMG it’s Jack McCollough – world famous women’s wear designer!  
Me: Oh stop it, I’m not famous in Burkina Faso…(wait for it)…yet
(large amounts of laughter)
Jack Bauer then stumbles over and mumbles something about protocols.
Me: Well hello Mr. Bauer
Jack Bauer: Tell me what you know DAMMIT!
Me: The question should be what do I “not” know?
Jack Bauer: You breeched the perimeter, DIDN’T YOU!
Me: What perimeter?  What the hell are you talking about?
Jack Bauer: WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!
Me: Running out of time? For what? Is there a Michael Kors sample sale going on?

That’s when Jack Bauer headbutted me and then said I looked like Tobey McGuire.  Really Jack?  Really?  Tobey doesn’t have a broken nose and blood dripping on his leather slippers.  Tell me, how do you get blood of really expensive leather shoes?

Please tell me Jack Bauer, the shoes are not mine.  The owner wants them back and I’m running out of time!

The poll on Fox’s 24 page asks users which character they would like to see return with Jack Bauer for Season 7 of 24.  I chose Chloe and was amazed that she came in either third or second, depending on how you look at the results.

According to the poll, Karen Harris’ 25% gets a larger portion of the bar chart than Chloe’s 38% and is even with Bill’s 50%.

Also, for all of you who slept through Basic Statistics (or who work at Fox), the total of this chart should equal 100%, not 122%.  Unless Jack Bauer voted, his votes count twice.

This guy’s just sad….wait, that’s not the word I was looking for, he’s an idiot.

However, the victim, Marlon Cantoral, 30, provided a false address to police and did not appear in any of the court proceedings, prompting prosecutors to enter into a plea deal with the student, Edgar Sullivan, 23, of Elverson, Pa. The student faced up to 10 years in prison for second-degree assault, a charge that was dropped as part of the plea deal.

According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral’s van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.

Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting “he’s a terrorist,” according to charging documents. “My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist,” Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.

“This is rather embarrassing for him,” Sullivan’s attorney Charles Broida said after the court appearance.

“It was bizarre, but he doesn’t remember it.”
(Source – WJZ)

It all happened in Maryland, so that explains quite a bit.