The 6 Things I Learned From Watching 24 Last Night

1) If you work with Jack Bauer, there’s a 75% chance that he’ll eventually attack you. Theres a pretty good chance you’ll die.  If your name rhymes with Shill Hughcannon or Flirtus Canning odds are you’ll get both.  Did Jack attack Ryan Chappelle prior to shooting him in the head?


2) There’s a company out there that makes and installs ridiculously large ventalation shafts.

3) Agent Larry “The Douche” Moss is really making Jack Bauer mad.  You don’t make Jack Bauer mad, just ask the telephone Jack tased in Episode 11.

4) Jon Voight may have driven a 1989 LeBaron, but he still makes one hell of a bad guy.


5) You won’t see torture scenes involving a baby and old men being offed for the hell of it on Heroes.

6) 24 fans really don’t care about global warming, even if you think juxtaposing a couple of 24 catch phrases in a PSA will do the trick.  Dammit.
24 Going Green PSA – Cherry Jones

Why Kiefer’s dad wouldn’t play Jack’s dad

Donald Sutherland almost played Kiefer’s TV dad on 24, but refused the offer when he found out that Phillip was not just bad, but BAD, he told the BBC’s Newsbeat.tjndc5-5b5epa0y1fd10fs4lezi_original-2.jpg

“We had a long dinner and he asked me to play his dad in 24,” he explained.“I said OK but on one condition, the relationship has to be the same sort of relationship Sean Connery had with Harrison Ford (in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).

“He said, ‘I’ll go back and see what the writers have in mind’. He came back and said, ‘No dad, they want you to try and kill me’. I said, ‘No way, that’s not going to work’. So they hired James Cromwell instead.”

He did offer to come in at the series’ end, though, and reveal that he’s Jack’s REAL father, that Phillip was merely Jack’s mother’s husband. Donald said he didn’t think the writing crew would take him up on that offer, but did he watch last season?

The good news he had for 24 fans was that Kiefer’s stint in jail made him determined to make the next two seasons “the best two years of television in the United States.”kiefer2006_ks652d1_abrf.jpg

Kiefer was in solitary 23 hours a day:

Jail was tough for him. He had 48 days inside, 23 hours a day in solitary. It was very, very cold. There were no windows. He had no community. I also made a deposit at the prison so he could call out. We were given 14 minutes for every call. When he would call, you weren’t prepared and when I got to speak to him I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to.

Look, I’m gonna say this: The way Kiefer took his punishment like a man (like Jack Bauer would have, actually; accepting responsibility for his actions and accepting the punishment. wait. does Jack ever accept punishment? hmm), just makes me have that much more respect for him. So if he’s gonna say the next two seasons of 24 are going to be the best U.S. television has to offer, I’m going to believe him until he gives me reason not to, dammit.

Donald Sutherland photo: Louis Lanzano/Associated Press; Kiefer Sutherland photo: Courtesy of Fox.

Jack Bauer did not mow down an illegal immigrant, assault him, and then claim he was a terrorist, again.

This guy’s just sad….wait, that’s not the word I was looking for, he’s an idiot.

However, the victim, Marlon Cantoral, 30, provided a false address to police and did not appear in any of the court proceedings, prompting prosecutors to enter into a plea deal with the student, Edgar Sullivan, 23, of Elverson, Pa. The student faced up to 10 years in prison for second-degree assault, a charge that was dropped as part of the plea deal.

According to charging documents, Sullivan was driving his Ford Escape on Interstate 95 last February when he struck Cantoral’s van. Cantoral left the highway and was struck a second time before he drove over a grass median strip and fled on foot into the lobby of the Patuxent Institution Correctional Facility.

Sullivan followed Cantoral inside and tried to assault him, shouting “he’s a terrorist,” according to charging documents. “My name is Jack Bowers (Bauer) and I work for the FBI and the Secret Service. My wife and family was kidnapped by the president and terrorist,” Sullivan continued, The (Baltimore) Examiner reported Friday, citing charging documents.

“This is rather embarrassing for him,” Sullivan’s attorney Charles Broida said after the court appearance.

“It was bizarre, but he doesn’t remember it.”
(Source – WJZ)

It all happened in Maryland, so that explains quite a bit.

Freakin’ MADD

So it’s come to this. MADD Canada (Mothers Against Drunk Driving’s Canada branch, the CEO of which is a man. Huh?) wants Ford Motor Co. Canada to fire our boy Kiefer as its spokesvoice in its ad campaign.

I say, so long as you’re not drunk while you’re actually doing the voice-over for the ad, what the hey.

Look, I know folks who’ve died in drunk-driving accidents and I do not mean to make light of the issue at all.

But Kiefer’s actually been pretty stand-up about this. He didn’t beg off, trying to plead not guilty or whine that he shouldn’t serve time. He accepted his sentence and is serving his time. The only concession he originally sought was to have his sentence split so it didn’t inconvenience the rest of the cast and crew of 24. He had until March 30 to start serving, but he willingly went into jail during Christmas to get it over with.

I could think of a lot worse people to be the spokesvoice for my car company, is all I’m saying.

Ford Canada, meanwhile, said it had no plans to change its ads.

Meanwhile, a fan has started an online petition.

And this blog, from the Herald-Dispatch in Huntington, W.Va., reports on rumors in the blogosphere that Kiefer actually had a car coming to pick him up and was just moving his car (as he had been told to). Blogger Angela Henderson points out that it seems rather odd that Kiefer would accept 48 days in jail for something he didn’t really do.

This is the question: WWJBD? (Actually, it’s not, I just wanted to say that and it just seemed to fit here. Sue me.)

McCain’s heartbroken — HEARTBROKEN

Apparently, on the Straight Talk Express this week, John McCain expressed his utter despair over our hero’s impending incarceration.

Carrie Dann from NBC/National Journal was on the bus when McCain exclaimed, “I’m heartbroken. HEARTBROKEN!” and pointed at a TV.

“Sutherland arrested,” read the cable news chyron. McCain shook his head as he rehashed the news that Kiefer Sutherland, the star of the hit action series “24,” will do jail time for a DUI arrest. “My hero, Jack Bauer!” McCain said with mock incredulity.

A reporter quickly pointed out that Jack Bauer might not spend a lot of time in jail.

McCain agreed:

If I know my Jack Bauer, he’s gonna be out of there in a New York minute! I’ve never seen him held captive for more than five minutes in any episode.

No disruption to 24′s production schedule

Because Kiefer’s just that kind of a standup guy.

He’ll serve 18 days starting Dec. 21 (the day 24 goes on a winter production break); that’s for his probation violation.

As for the 30 days he’ll get for the actual DWI, he can serve that any time before July 1 next year.

This is what Jack Kiefer had to say for himself, in a prepared statement:

I’m very disappointed in myself for the poor judgment I exhibited recently, and I’m deeply sorry for the disappointment and distress this has caused my family, friends and co-workers on ‘24’ and at 20th Century Fox.

More deets here. (Plus, me ranting about what the hell is wrong with stars who actually drive themselves anyway?!?)

Bauer To Do Time in PMITA Prison

Jack Bauer (aka Kiefer Sutherland) pleaded no contest to driving with a BAC over the legal limit (aka drunk driving).  He’ll spend 30 days in county jail. 

But wait, there’s more. 

24-kiefer147.jpgSutherland, star of Fox’s “24,” could face six months in jail for violating probation. Sentencing is set for Dec. 21, the same day the show begins its winter production break. (source)

Now I don’t know much about jail time.  Does he get sentenced and go straight to jail?  Let’s hope he goes to the bathroom before he’s booked, that’s a long time to hold it…even for Jack Bauer.

Do you go straight to jail after sentencing or do you get to save the world first?

L.A. D.A.: Revoke Kiefer’s probation says the Los Angeles County City Attorney’s office has officially charged Kiefer Sutherland with two misdemeanor counts of DUI.One is for driving under the influence and one for driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 or above. He was arrested early Tuesday morning after making an illegal U-turn.

More importantly, the city attorney’s office asked that his 2004 probation be revoked.

He’ll be arraigned Oct. 16 in front of Judge Michael Sauer, he of “Paris Hilton must go to jail for violating her probation” fame.

TMZ reports that if he were convicted on both charges, he could face up to a total of a year and a half in jail and a $1,000 fine.

What might this mean for filming on Season 7?

No one knows.

Associated Press photo/Matt Sayles.

More DUI news. Sigh.

tjndc5-5gp47iojw8lp9qguh5h_original.jpgTurns out Kiefer’s got a few more DUIs under his belt — this would be his fourth, according to (aside: what’s that?).

Here’s what the website had to say:

According to court documents first obtained by, Sutherland was also arrested in 1988 for DUI and for carrying a concealed weapon and a loaded firearm in a public place.

In 1993, the actor was slapped with another a DUI charge.

Although Sutherland has at least four DUI charges to his name, legal expert Royal Oakes says the ’89 and ’93 charges might not hurt Sutherland in court.

“The good news for Kiefer is that the old ones might not matter so much,” says Oakes. “Mandatory jail time is for back-to-back charges. Otherwise, the system kicks in to favor alcohol treatment, not jail.”

Ah, but what does any of this mean for Season 7? Who knows. The Hollywood Reporter says it’s unclear; he was due back on the set today.

In addition, HR said the 1993 case was a conviction for alcohol-related reckless driving.

He’s been involved in other alcohol-related silliness in the past couple years though, chief among them destroying the prototype for his McFarland action figure.

Associated Press photo/Matt Sayles, as Kiefer arrived at the Eco-Party

Booze hound update

tjndc5-5gp47iojw8lp9qguh5h_original.jpgTMZ has updated the Kiefer Sutherland DUI saga:

Turns out, he’s on five years probation from his November 2004 DUI arrest, when he had a .22 blood alcohol level; he pleaded no contest to drunk driving at the time.

Given that not even three years have passed, if he’s convicted of this morning’s DUI, he will have violated probation.

Then Judge Michael Sauer, his judge in 2004, would decide the penalty. Who’s Sauer? He gave Paris Hilton 45 days in jail for violating her probation, which had nothing to do with drunk driving.

I somehow doubt Jack Bauer could throw Sauer up against a wall and hold him by the neck and get him to change his mind. Sauer might just give Kiefer double time.

Associated Press photo/Matt Sayles, as Kiefer arrived at the Eco-Party

Let’s See Jack Bauer Get Out Of This

According to, Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for DUI overnight. Sutherland is the star of the hit show 24, where he plays beleaguered CTU agent Jack Bauer who tries to keep the US safe from all manner of threat – foreign, domestic and mole.

TMZ has learned that “24″ star Kiefer Sutherland was busted on suspicion of DUI in West Hollywood last night, after allegedly blowing more than twice the legal limit of .08. This is the actor’s second DUI in the past five years — he was arrested in 2004. By California law, if he’s convicted, he must serve a mandatory minimum of five days in jail.

He was pulled over after being spotted making an illegal u-turn. He was able to post $25,000 bail and will go before a judge on October 16.

It looks like he’s got himself a jail sentence to deal with, which will come well before the season premiere of 24 in January 2008.

Cross posted to A Blog For All.