Author Archive

Jack Bauer Kill Counter 3.5 (Season 8) 3am-4am

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Here’s the post for tonight’s JBKC3.5 3am-4am. Enter your best guess in the comments.

Each week we will ask you to submit how many points you think Jack will get, the person closest wins. Submit how many points Jack Bauer will rack up in tonight’s episodes in the comments – we will publish the winner on Tuesday (3/16).

Kill Counter 3.5

A list of how points are scored is below.
Killing Someone = 1 point
Killing a good guy = -1 point
Kill Combos - if Jack Bauer kills more than one person in a scene – he gets combo points for each kill (example 3 kills = 6 points) 1 kill = 1 point 2 kills = 2 points + 2 combo = 4 points

3 kills = 3 points + 3 combo = 6 points

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point

“Cover me” = 1 point
“Drop the weapon” = 1 point
Use of a Jack Sack = 5 points
Shooting down a helicopter = 10 points
Mentioning Kim Bauer = 2 points
Apologizing for anything = -5 points
Crying = -5 points
Surrendering to bad guys = -10 points
Headbutting anyone = 20 points

Previous Jack Bauer Kill Counters
Season 5 Kill Counter
Season 6 Kill Counter
Redemption Kill Counter

Previous Season 8 Winners
Midnight-1amSteveegg wins with nada: “Filler night – 0.”
1am-2am – Wisekrakr and Juan Paxety win with “1″.
2am-3amSteveegg wins with “Now that I’m commenting in the right post, I’ll go with 2. DAMMIT!”

24 Cap This!

Friday, March 12th, 2010

Shoots And Spatters Caption Contest
(Source: 24 Wikia)

Submit your original caption for this photo in the comments section, or we’ll shove you into an oxygen chamber. The winners will be announced on Monday. March, 15th. Good luck!

Other Current Contests:
Cowboy Blob
Family Security Matters
Military Times
Rodney Dill
RT
Support Your Local Gunfighter
Wizbang

Top Five Entries:
5. Too much deep thought in CTU’s think tank. – D. Dean
4. Jack’s early-morning exercise routine is a pain to clean up. – Nudniq
3. “I told those frat boys it wasn’t a good idea to go into that oxygen chamber…and to mix C4 in those Jello Shooters.” – Georgie
2. “Frankly, I work better under a little pressure.” – Rodney Dill

WINNER! – Janitor 1: “That kid had dandruff.”
Janitor 2: “How did you know that?”
Janitor 1: “Because his ‘head and shoulders’ are over there.”
Jack Bauer

JBKC (Season 8) 2am-3am Results

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Well, this week the Jack Bauer Kill Counter erupted – at least compared to the last two zero-infected episodes. While there were no Jack Bauer kills this week – although he had an arguable assist on the Marcos push – there were a mere two DAMMITs. Looks like it was another Wyattastic evening.

We do have a winner, though. Steveegg wins this lame-ass week with his guess: “Now that I’m commenting in the right post, I’ll go with 2. DAMMIT!”

Congratulations, Steve. Your sweaty Kayla bedsheets are enroute to your secured location.

Liveblogging (Season 8) 2am – 3am

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Jack Bauer Kill Counter 3.5 (Season 8) 2am-3am

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Here’s the post for tonight’s JBKC3.5 2am-3am. Enter your best guess in the comments.

Each week we will ask you to submit how many points you think Jack will get, the person closest wins. Submit how many points Jack Bauer will rack up in tonight’s episodes in the comments – we will publish the winner on Tuesday (3/2).

Kill Counter 3.5

A list of how points are scored is below.
Killing Someone = 1 point
Killing a good guy = -1 point
Kill Combos - if Jack Bauer kills more than one person in a scene – he gets combo points for each kill (example 3 kills = 6 points) 1 kill = 1 point 2 kills = 2 points + 2 combo = 4 points

3 kills = 3 points + 3 combo = 6 points

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point

“Cover me” = 1 point
“Drop the weapon” = 1 point
Use of a Jack Sack = 5 points
Shooting down a helicopter = 10 points
Mentioning Kim Bauer = 2 points
Apologizing for anything = -5 points
Crying = -5 points
Surrendering to bad guys = -10 points
Headbutting anyone = 20 points

Previous Jack Bauer Kill Counters
Season 5 Kill Counter
Season 6 Kill Counter
Redemption Kill Counter

Previous Season 8 Winners
Midnight-1amSteveegg wins with nada: “Filler night – 0.”
1am-2am – Wisekrakr and Juan Paxety win with “1″.

24 Cap This!

Friday, March 5th, 2010

The Dirty Half-Dozen Caption Contest
(Source: 24 Wikia)

Submit your caption to this pic in the comments section or we’ll dress you in a red CTU shirt. The winners will be posted on Monday, March 8th. Good luck!

Other Current Entries:
Family Security Matters
Military Times
Rodney Dill
RT
Support Your Local Gunfighter
Wizbang

Top Three Comments:
3. “OK. As senior member, I get the pretty one. The rest of you get the fat friends.” – Ettublogge
2. “Screw Mapquest. I’m tellin’ ya, there’s no Hooters on this block.” – D. Dean

WINNER! – “OK, OK CTU says there is a Shell station a block ahead, I’ll C4 the door to the mens room and you can all pee. Next time, do that before we leave.”Dick Lepre

CTU Decorum For Dummies

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

Kevlar Ballistic Helmet: $300
Box of Surgical Sutures: $45
Yelling at Jack Bauer: Deadly

TiVo Blogging 1:00am – 2:00am

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Greetings gang! My name is Wyatt Earp, and I am here for all of your TiVo Liveblogging needs!

And just as an aside, if there are any execs from TiVo in the audience, I just want to say you folks do good work – and I am available to be a paid spokesperson. Just sayin’. With that, let’s start the clock:

1:00am – 1:12am – We open the episode with Kayla, who has been awarded a conjugal quickie with her boy toy, aka Security Guard #1 (SG1). Being a vapid idiot, Kayla informs SG1 that she told President Wayne Newton about their romantic entanglement. Amazingly, it only made things worse. Duh, and or hello! What did you think your father would say when he found out the two of you were boinking, “Congratulations?” SG1 asks Kayla to come closer, but instead of hot bondage action, he tells her that he is planning to escape – with help from another security stooge. He wants her to meet him at the rendezvous point, and she nods in agreement.

Meanwhile, Chico, Jr is performing chest compressions on the corpse of Kevin Wade. Starbuck, master of the obvious, tells him that Kevin is now in White Trash Heaven – no, not New Jersey – and asks Chico to beat feet. To his credit, Chico, Jr refuses and pulls off his best Alonzo – asking her “You want to go to jail, or do you want to go home?” – and decides to wipe the van and dump the White Trash Twins in the swamp. Starbuck sheepishly agrees.

Back at CTU, Hastings is in a conference call with President Cankles and Weasly McChiefofstaff and tells them about Farhad’s defection. There is a lot of talk about “rod smuggling,” yet Johnny Weir is nowhere to be found. Cankles is on board with Jack’s rescue of Farhad, and hopes that the rods can be found quickly. Heh. Curiously, the terrorists holding the rods – heh – are believed to be affiliated with the IRK organization. Dude, really? IRK? Yeah, I hear they are very IRKsome.

Jack is enroute to Farhad with a Chevy Suburban full of red shirts. Someone warm up the Kill Counter, please! Bauer is pairing with the Pimply-Faced Teen, and you just know that his ticket will get punched tonight.

On the po’ side of town, President Wayne Newton meets with Cankles and tells him about the IRKs. He is playing hardball with the IRK files, but backs down when Cankles tells him that she will make his country glow if America is attacked.

Out on the road, SG1 is being transported to the embassy. Sure enough, he was given a handcuff key, and after unlocking himself – and pulling out his gun??? – he stops the vehicle and orders the guards out. Incredibly, SG1 had the car pulled over on the most deserted block in New York City – Times Square. Dude, at 1:10am, every street in NYC has at least a dozen people on it, for cripes’ sake! SG1 has the guards handcuff themselves in the back of the car, calls Kayla to tell her he loves her (gag), and runs to the rendezvous point. Literally. He runs!

Jack Bauer Kill Counter 3.5 (Season 8) 1am-2am Results

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

You know, there is nothing more infuriating than having a Jack Bauer Kill Counter that sits around collecting dust. Last week’s episode saw the JBKC take a sabbatical, and considering that this week included a Jack-led SWAT team assault, many of the guesses were high. However, some folks figured on the Wyatt jinx, and while I was working last night, I saw the grim news during my TiVo blogging. The Kill Counter took the damned night off again! No death, no destruction, no “Dammits!”

We do have a winner, though. Actually, we have a tie. Two readers were the closest to the sum total this week. Both Wisekrakr – “1, but I sure wish I’d miss this by a lot to the positive side.” – and Juan Paxety – “Hoping to get the counter spinning, I’ll guess only 1.” – guessed 1, which was one off of the actual (lame) total of zero.

Congratulations, kids. Your autographed Farhad Hassan death shrouds are on their way!

Liveblogging: 1:00am – 2:00am

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Jack Bauer Kill Counter 3.5 (Season 8) 1am-2am

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Here’s the post for tonight’s JBKC3.5 1am-2am. Enter your best guess in the comments. Steveegg won last week with a guess of zero.

Each week we will ask you to submit how many points you think Jack will get, the person closest wins. Submit how many points Jack Bauer will rack up in tonight’s episodes in the comments – we will publish the winner on Tuesday (3/2).

Kill Counter 3.5

A list of how points are scored is below.
Killing Someone = 1 point
Killing a good guy = -1 point
Kill Combos - if Jack Bauer kills more than one person in a scene – he gets combo points for each kill (example 3 kills = 6 points) 1 kill = 1 point 2 kills = 2 points + 2 combo = 4 points

3 kills = 3 points + 3 combo = 6 points

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point

“Cover me” = 1 point
“Drop the weapon” = 1 point
Use of a Jack Sack = 5 points
Shooting down a helicopter = 10 points
Mentioning Kim Bauer = 2 points
Apologizing for anything = -5 points
Crying = -5 points
Surrendering to bad guys = -10 points
Headbutting anyone = 20 points

Previous Jack Bauer Kill Counters
Season 5 Kill Counter
Season 6 Kill Counter
Redemption Kill Counter

Previous Season 8 Winners
Midnight-1amSteveegg wins with nada: “Filler night – 0.”

24 Cap This!

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

RedHot Potato Caption Contest
(Source: 24Wikia)

Submit your caption for this photo in the comments section, or we’ll send a naked Dana Walsh to your house – and no one wants that. The winners will be posted on Monday, March 1st. Good luck!

Other Current Contests:
Cowboy Blob
Family Security Matters
Military Times
Rodney Dill
RT
Support Your Local Gunfighter
V The K
Wizbang

Top Three Entries:
3. “I’d like to know where you were hiding that com device when you were with that Russian guy you pin cushioned.” – Heyhilbo
2. Chloe mumbling under her breath: “I beg and plead to get Jack involved and he refused. Then Agent RedHot comes along and plays all damsel in distress and Jack jumps in faster than a Jack Rabbit on a date.. BITCH!!!” – Sunny

WINNER! – Chloe: If I just move my hand 6 inches closer.
Renee: And I move my hand 6 inches closer.
Chloe: And I take a 1/2 step closer.
Renee: And I move back 1/2 step.
Chloe: And I put my around you near your ample chest.
Renee: And I hold you hand upon my breast.
Chloe: And I reach for my laptop with my other hand.
Renee: And I slowly reach into my sweater for a knife.
Chloe: And I ram the laptop on your head.
Renee: As I turn and plunge my knife into your stomach.
Jack: And that girls, is what I call foreplay.
– Ettubloge

CTU Romances Never Work

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

So, I am searching teh internets for pictures of the deliciously hot Nina Myers when I came across this little info nugget on Wikipedia. Apparently, Sarah Clarke (the babe who played Nina) and Xander Berkeley (who played George Mason) are married!

My world started spinning and I collapsed on my living room floor. When I came to, this nugget gave me a brain aneurysm:

“As of January 2010, Sarah is seven months pregnant with her and Xander’s second child.”

Eh, what? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I hate you, George Mason! I’m glad you died in that plane crash!!!

TiVo Blogging 12:00am – 1:00am

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Previously on B4B TiVo blogging . . . we left the White Trash Twins at the nudie bar, Jack searching for rods (heh, heh, “rods”), and RedHot in the psych ward. Sadly, Dana Walsh is still around, and is more annoying than Kim Bauer ever was. The TiVo is ready and I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew. Let’s rock!

12:00am – 12:10am – We begin with Son #1 who is pulling up in what looks like an ice cream truck. That must be where he stored the “rods.” Das Boot and Jack call Son #1, who is none too pleased. After hemming and hawing for a bit, Son #1 agrees to turn in the “rods.” Unfortunately for him, the only thing he will be able to turn in is his soul . . . because Farhad’s men just shot and killed him. Sucks to be him.

After giving us a “Copy that,” Jack is enroute back to CTU with Das Boot, who is now fresh out of sons. Hey, maybe he has a daughter whose life he can risk? Mmm . . . hot Russian daughter! Jack checks in with his ETA – Estimated Time to Ass-Kicking – and chats it up with RedHot, who is still in the psych ward . . . and wearing a tight shirt. Boing!

Meanwhile BubbaGump gets a call from Weasly McChiefofstaff, who tells Bubba that if this operation goes a tad askew, they will need a fall guy. Since Lee Majors is not available, Weasly suggests Agent RedHot, who apparently stabbed Vlad the Impaler 15 times. Someone remind Jack to not turn his back on RedHot after doing the nasty. Just sayin’.

Jack Bauer Kill Counter 3.5 (Season 8) Results

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Ya know, I am getting really tired of watching 24 and not having a decent Jack Bauer-induced body count. Hell, Jack wasn’t even in this episode all that long. You idiots at FOX realize Jack is the frakkin’ star, right? No one wants to see Chico or some Arab thug kill a guy. We want to see Jack kill 100 guys! Dammit!

Oh well, last night’s crapalooza garnered zero points. Even with the bevy of bonus options afoot. No kills, no dammits, no nothing. Believe it or not, though, we do have a winner:

Steveegg wins with nada: “Filler night – 0.”

Congratulations! You’ll receive your CTU-authorized collapsible baton in the mail shortly.