More Fun With The Simpsons

Part of the marketing campaign for the upcoming Simpsons movie has them teaming up with Burger King to allow people to “Simpsonize” themselves in lovely 2D. Last week we posted the Simpsonized Jack Bauer, Edgar Stiles, and Michelle Dessler. Now, here’s this week’s crew: Tony Almeida and Chloe.

Tony Almeida

Tony Almeida returns for Season 7 of 24. After being injected with a lethal dose of drugs during Day 5, Tony was checked into the Lindsay Lohan Memorial wing of the Betty Ford clinic for help.
During his stay, Tony had the best intense care and therapy including hypnosis and Chinese water torture money could buy. He emerged free of drugs but unfortunately still a Chicago Cubs fan (note the Cubs mug).

Chloe O’Brian
Chloe was easy, turns out most Simpsons characters have potato heads and snarls on their faces.

Other 24 characters who could be “Simpsonized”: President Palmer I and II, Marwan, Kim Bauer, George Mason, Curtis, Victor Drazen, Behrooz, and many others.

Click Here to Bauerize your own Simpsons scene and we will post them here. Just send Jack Bauer an email and include the picture and a short story if you like.

Jack Bauer/Phil Mickelson: Bosom Brother?

Jack Bauer and Graham Bauer couldn’t be the only offspring from Papa Bauer. There is evidence that Philip Bauer had other offspring that could appear in a future very special episode of 24. Could one of these Bauer offspring be none other than legendary golfer Phil Mickelson?

The possible link came to me as I read an article on Phil’s resurgence in The Boston Herald. Here’s the clip that made the little light above my head go off.

…Funny, isn’t it? Roughly a year ago at this time, after self-destructing on the 18th hole Sunday, Mickelson looked as cracked up as Britney Spears; now he looks mentally tougher than Jack Bauer. Going back to last year, Mickelson played 11 consecutive holes in the U.S. Open at a score of plus-6, and nobody would have blamed him yesterday if he pulled a Paris Hilton and went to pieces….

Is there a connection between Jack Bauer and Phil Mickelson that goes beyond his ability to go from batshit crazy to “mentally tougher than Jack Bauer”? Sure Jack had came back from a nasty heroin addiction and from being dead (twice) to save the world. Phil is showing a little of that Bauer guts he has in him.

However the most compelling evidence are the manboobs. Like receding hair and time-manipulation skills, the manboobs have been passed down the Bauer family tree.

Could Jack Bauer and Phil Mickelson be long lost brothers? The manboobs don’t lie.

Flat Stanley Spends a Day with Jack Bauer – Part 3

Look at me! Dude we’re getting a Dell!

CTU is where Jack spends some of his time, when he’s not “hanging out” or dodging missiles. There are all sorts of strange people who work there. This is Potato Face, oops I mean Chloe and Jack triangulating cross-referenced post-dilated thingamajig’s. They ended up running it through Districts system since a mole had corrupted her database. I hate rodents.

The Carnival of Bauer!!!

Welcome back to The Carnival of Bauer!!!, the only carnival dedicated to Jack Bauer and all things 24 (no matter how trivial). On that note, make sure you vote in the Miss Blogs4Bauer contest, this week Kim Bauer and Mandy are doing battle for a shot at the Final Four.

These are dark days for Fox and America. Not because Sanjaya was voted off of American Idol. Not because their new show Drive has Commander-in-Chief-esq ratings. No, it’s because Jack Bauer wrapped things up early this season (maybe Snake Plissken’s rantings got to him). With a 7 hours of filler left and Kim Bauer’s return still six episodes away, what’s Jack to do with himself? Sleep or sit on the can for the next 6 hours?

One thing is for sure, The Carnival of Bauer!!! will not take the next 7 hours off. This Friday, the carnival will be the featured carnival over at Blog Carnival.

Well enough about us, let’s see what the blogs had to say this week.

The best weekly recap of 24 has to be VtheK’s TiVO Recap here at Blogs4Bauer.

Seriously, enough about us. Here’s what other 24-fan blogs had to say this week:

Magic Lamp recaps the latest episode in the usual funny way. Cheers for a fellow Audrey-hater.

Has 24 jumped the shark when Real Estate blogs start posting recaps? If not, check out this recap by Rich Jacobson and his Real Estate blog.

The Jack Sack is BACK! The fellow B4B member post his interview with the Jack Sack on what (and who) it’s been doing and the new, slimmer look.

Check out the Sour Bauer Power Hour that notes the presence of a transitional episode, but a pretty good one for transitions. However they throw out some absurd theories like Chloe is a mole. Have you seen her poker face? She would not be a good mole.

Amy Vernon (last week’s host), notes that Chloe dropped a “Dammit”. Geeks around the world collectively took a shot of Red Bull. Count Amy as an Audrey-hater.

Doug at Below the Beltway bemoans the addition of Ricky Stratton to the cast of 24 and notes the writers are recycling plot line. Doug, they are called plot-offsets and they make sure the show it plot-neutral, you can blame Al Gore for that. Doug does not like Audrey either. Is anyone keeping count?

Do you want a recap that includes references to Patrick Ewing and Small Wonder? How about some You Tube clips and a count of how many times Jack Bauer has mentioned his own name (42)? Well then get your nappy-head over to for his weekly recap.

Jam Hot gives this episode a 7 out of 10 in their recap and is looking forward to the next episode.

While I have not been called it, I am also a 24 Whore. Signs you are a 24 Whore: telling your boss that you cannot work late on Mondays, reminding your wife that 2 and a Half Men is on at 9pm over and over again, and starting a website called Blogs4Bauer. Anyway, check out 24 Whore’s answer to if Logan is coming back.

When JWookie is not getting his clock cleaned by myself in fantasy baseball or football, he’s watching 24. So before he goes out and picks up the KC Royals third-baseman Mark Teahan (who I just dropped on the waiver wire), check out his 24 Moment of Zen.

Finally, one of my favorite sites to visit on Wednesdays is 24 in 24. Check out the latest comic-book recap of 24.

I want to thank everyone who has submitted posts to this carnival and previous Carnivals of Bauer!!! Creating and hosting a carnival is a lot of work, we really appreciate everyone who helps make this a really successful carnival every week. Because sometimes, watching 24 is a lot of work.

If you would like to host one of our few remaining Carnivals of Bauer!!! send Jack Bauer an email.

Miss Blogs4Bauer – Semifinals

Hi, I am William Shatner and you know what time it is? No, not time to talk about Don Imus. It’s time for the first semifinal match-up in the Miss Blogs4Bauer contest!

We have narrowed the field down from 15 ladies and Audrey down to only 8. The winners of this round will face off in The Final Four.

Here are the lucky 8:
Kim Bauer
Nadia Yassir
Martha Logan
Nina Myers
Teri Bauer
Marilyn Bauer
Chloe O’Brian

For round 2 we will have a Q&A Session with each of the ladies and then let you vote on who should stay and who should go.

The first match-up is between hotties Kim Bauer and Mandy. Let’s take a look back at how each of these ladies got to Round 2.

In Round 1, Kim had a little trouble with the haters and Diane Huxley. Huxley almost pulled an upset, but Kim pulled it out (51%-49%). Here is what some people said about Kim:
Timmay – Dating a New York Ranger (Sean Avery), gotta support my team
Yeah Him – she was really hot in the first season
bob – She’s not only the most annoying character in the history of television, she also doesn’t know anything about hockey — AND she’s illiterate.

Mandy dispatched of Sherry Palmer easily (81%-19%) and here is what a few people had to say about Mandy:
Wyatt – Mandy = Giggity!
lou – No contest
anonymous – If this is even close, there is something very wrong with the readers of this blog.

Now let’s get to the T&A session. Whoa, I mean Q&A.

Shatner: Kim, if you had to pick a role model who would that be and why?
Kim Bauer: My Dad, because he is Jack Bauer.
Mandy:…and I should have killed him when I had a chance.

Shatner: Whoa ladies! Mandy, this question is for you. What is the strangest place you have, you know, done “it”.
Mandy: That would probably be in the bathroom of flight 221, we were…
Shatner: Ohhh yeah! Tell me more!
Mandy: Well after we were done I killed a stewardess and blew up the airplane.
Shatner: Yikes. Too much information.

Shatner: Kim, you are stuck in a room with a pair of pliers, a rabid mountain lion, and a stick of gum. What do you do?
Kim: Call my dad, Jack Bauer.
Mandy: I should cut you right now.

Shatner: Ladies, ladies. Lets just skip the talent portion and go straight to the voting.

Who moves on to the Final Four?

Kim Bauer


Click here for the results

Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge – Week 14

Welcome back to The Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge! Each week B4B will host a contest to see who can guess Jack Bauer’s point total. The winner will be given much praise and be allowed to live another day.

Last week Jack decided to take things into his own hands. In a matter of seconds, Jack saved the world (again) by finding the nukes and killing off all the terrorists he could find.

There’s one problem. Jack finished off this day with 7 hours left on the 24 hour timer. What will Jack do to fill the time?

Take a look at the Guidelines and Point System and post your point total in the comments section for Hour 11. The winner will be posted next Monday.

Week 1 (Hours 1-4): 4 Points
Winner: Rhymes With Right (4 points)
Week 2 (Hour 5): 0 Points
Winner: Justin (0 points)
Yeah, him. (0 points)
Week 3 (Hour 6): 0 Points
Winner: None
Week 4 (Hour 7): 2 Points
Winner: None
Week 5 (Hours 8-9): 4 Points
Winner: None
Week 6 (Hour 10): 4 Points

Winner: Yeah, him. (4 points)
glockspeak (4 points)
nicky (4 points)
Week 7 (Hour 11): 0 Points
Winner: The Man (0 Points)
Justin (0 Points)
Week 8 (Hour 12): 0 Points
Winner: Dan (0 Points)
pickett (0 Points)
Yeah Him (0 Points)
Week 9 (Hour 13): 5 Points
Winner: glockspeak (5 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 4 Points*
Winner: Al (4 Points)

Week 10 (Hour 14): 9 Points
Winner: None – Sorry Al
Week 11 (Hour 15): 1 Point
Winner: glockspeak (1 Point)
Week 12 (Hour 16): 5 Points
Winner: steveggg (5 Point)
Week 13 (Hour 17): 21 Points
Winner: None

Season 6 Kills so far:
1. Bite to the neck (4 points)
2. Explosive kick (1 point)
3. Killing Curtis (-1 point)
4. Shooting while handcuffed (1 point, +1 Dammit bonus)
5. Shooting 2 dudes with a shotgun (2 points, +2 combo)

6. Saved Milo’s ass by capping 2 dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
7. Shot Russian dude after beating him with a belt (1 Point)
8. Shot 2 Russian dudes
(2 points, +2 combo)
9. Shot 2 more dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
10. Shot one more dude that died in the next hour (1 point, +4 combo)
11. Shot a henchman (1 point)
12. Shot 2 dudes and said something cool (2 Points, +2 combo, +1 Cool bonus)
13. Snapped a neck (2 Points)
14. Shot 4 dudes in quick succession (4 Points, +12 combo)
15. Got Fayed to hang out (2 Points, +1 Cool bonus)

Miss Blogs4Bauer Contest – Round 1

Hi, I am William Shatner and I apologize for having that little bastard Sanjaya host last week’s match up. See what happens when you let a douche bag like Ryan Seacrest take control? Well the Shat is back, again!

This week we have an exciting match up between two stars of Season 5. One is an assistant who put her family in harms way, got shot, ratted out the president, deceived the Secret Service, and might be dead. The other showed off her cleavage and ended up stabbing the president in the shoulder. Yes it is Evelyn Martin and Martha Logan going at it this week. Will the pill popping ex-first lady or her assistant advance to the next round?
Last week’s contest was a snooze-fest. Marilyn Bauer easily rolled over Jenny McGill (87%-13%).

Click Here for an updated bracket.

The next match up will be posted next Monday (4/9) will be our final Round 1 contest with Debbie “I heart Behrooz” Pendleton pitted against Agent Michelle Dessler .

Here is this week’s tale of the tape:

Name: Evelyn Martin
Status: Dead?
Occupation: Martha Logan’s assistant/Demerol Mojito maker

Strengths: Ability to cut kiwis without ending up charged for Murder one.
Weaknesses: Amy Martin
Curious detail: During Season 5, Evelyn informed Jack that Charles Logan was behind the nerve gas.

Name: Martha Logan
Status: Insane
Occupation: Basket weaver at Shady Oaks
Strengths: Agent Pierce’s warm embrace
Weaknesses: Kiwis, Charles Logan, knives
Curious Detail: Martha is the only First Lady on the show 24. Also, her character was loosely based on Hillary Clinton, where she would use her husband to get so far…then stab him in the back when an opportune time came about.

Who should move on?

Evelyn Martin

Martha Logan

Click Here for results

Miss Blogs4Bauer – Round 1

Hi, I am Sanjaya Malakar, the next American Idol, William Shatnerasked Ryan Seacrest to take over again this week, but Seacrest was busy so he asked Bob Barker, and Barker asked Chuck Woolery, and then Chuck asked Ryan Seacrest and then he asked me to host this week’s match up of the Miss Blogs4Bauer Contest. I just hope I don’t screw it up, but America loves me so it wouldn’t matter much if I did.

Last week we got close to 60 million votes and America decided to send Nadia Yassir to the next round with 69% of the vote!

This week’s match up pairs a woman who is crazy about Jack Bauer and one that is just as crazy about cocaine. Marilyn Bauer is best known for mothering the heir to Jack Bauer’s throne while Jenny McGill is best known for turning tricks behind the dumpster across the street from CTU to fund her addiction to coke, heroin, and strawberry flavored Charleston Chews. Count me in for at least two of those!

The results for this match up will be posted next Monday (4/2). The next match up will pit Evelyn Martin with Martha “I hate kiwi so much” Logan. That battle will also begin on 4/2.

Click Here for an updated bracket.

Name: Jenny McGill
Status: Dead
Occupation: Plot filler/mole enabler
Strengths: None
Weaknesses: Almeida-esq cocaine habit.
Curious detail: Her sale of Lynn’s key card led to the deaths of 54 people at CTU, well 56 if you count Edgar.

Name: Marilyn Bauer
Status: Widowed (and loving every moment of it)
Occupation: Raising Jack Bauer Jr.
Strengths: Instantly became everyone’s favorite character after telling Jack that Audrey got a “silent clock” while trying to save him in China.
Weaknesses: Hopelessly in love with balding men.
Curious detail: Currently the only love interest of Jack’s (past and present) that’s still alive.

Who Should Move On?
Marilyn Bauer

Jenny McGill

Click Here for Results

24 Point/Counterpoint

Point: Well, boys, I reckon this is it – nuclear combat toe to toe with the Aaarabs, finally!
By Major T. J. “King” Kong

Listen here fellas, we have been given a impor-ant task here. Vice President Daniels wants us to nuke the dang Aaarabs. All I gotta say is it’s ’bout time. Well, boys, I reckon this is it – nuclear combat toe to toe with the Aaarabs!

I don’t give a hoot in Hell why we are a doin’ it, now stop askin questions and someone get me the dang launch codes before the sun rises. My momma told me that you can put your boots in the oven, but that don’t make em biscuits, meaning I’ll be a spittin’ cousin before I miss out on a chance to brandish some good ole American payback.

No, I don’t much understand the politics behind it. Don’t matter no how. All I know is that there President Palmer was makin some kinds of amends with a durn terrorist. That made as much sense as French toast sticks. Yeah, that Palmer thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow. Then he was blown up like a spring chicken on Labor Day! Yeaahhhaawww! So that makes Daniels the actin’ President. Now ‘scuse me, I gotta go arm 40 megatons-of-fun, so ya might want to not agitate me.

Before I let this here fly, here’s somethin’ to tell your thinkin’ friends. There’s 3 kinds of people: The ones that learn by readin’, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it’s really hot. Well, it’s ’bout to get real hot down there in the desert.

Counterpoint: Puny Humans Will Achieve Nothing With Their Primitive Nuclear Weapons
by Morbo.