Tivo Blogging (Season 8) 3am – 4am
Well, it’s time to fire up the TiVo again for another Wyattastic edition of 24 TiVo Blogging. Remember, objects may be closer than they appear, especially if that object is a bullet from Jack Bauer’s pistol. Let’s saddle up and ride:
3:00am-3:11am – We’re back in CTU, and Hastings is briefing everyone on the RODS. Chloe suggests that Dana coordinate the inter-agency communications, and Arlo gets bent about the chain of command. He wonders who he reports to, and Chloe pours him a tall. cool glass of STFU.
Meanwhile, Kalya is still locked in the bathroom, reeking of sweat and shame. Samir Merhan calls SG1′s cellphone and tells him that Marco painted the pressure chamber with his brains. SG1 starts to freak, and demands that Kayla – who is trying to go out the window – get out of the bathroom. Jack belittles the NYPD sergeant, who doesn’t take too kindly to that, so we may see a pissing match in a few minutes. Of course, there may have been a reason for the belittlement, since a member of the SWAT team was just seen by SG1.
The SWAT sergeant finds out that SG1 is moving and inserts his team against Jack’s orders. Bad idea, as SG1 takes out three SWAT officers. SG1 claims he is one of the downed officers (Faulkner) and tries to lead CTU and SWAT away from his location. SG1 drags Kayla down the stairs, exits the building and is stopped by two SWAT officers. Unfortunately for them, a cab pulls up, the driver steps out and shoots the officers. SG1, Kayla, and Crazy Cabbie speed away.
CTU tracks the cab to an underpass – which sure looks like a tunnel to me – and in an incredibly stupid and reckless act – Jack pulls his vehicle right up to the cab. Um, if they are considered armed, why would you pull directly in front of them? Crazy Cabbie and SG1 could have shot them where they stood. Not that it matters, because the cab is emptier than a theater showing Green Zone. Crazy Cabbie, SG1, and Kayla escape, and Jack doesn’t have the guts to give us a DAMMIT! for the Kill Counter.
Samir calls his nuke techie and says the rods are enroute. The techie appears to be crafting a detonator. Aaand . . . commercial.
3:15am-3:22am – Would anyone mind if I just skipped the Dana Walsh scenes? I really despise this character, and am starting to despise the actress, too. Starbuck meets with Milton, er, the probation officer about Kevin Wade. The probie shows Dana photos of Kevin and the GEICO Caveman. She admits to knowing Kevin but not to knowing the Caveman. Lies come pretty easy to Dana, and she is telling a few whoppers. She’s about as good at it as Katee Sackhoff is at acting. Milton knows about the police warehouse break-in and tells her he will wait until she has more time to talk. Swell. This terrible plotline isn’t going away anytime soon.
Jack and Chico, Jr. meet with President Hassan and his harpy wife. They insist upon setting up phone taps in the hopes of finding Kayla – you know, the gal they lost. Hassan agrees, and we cut to Kayla. She is tied to a chair in front of an Islamic flag. Unless you’re a 9-11 truther, you know where this is going. They will torture and kill Kayla until they get what they want from Hassan. Maybe SG1 can get some while the body’s still warm. Aaand . . . commercial.
3:27am-3:35am – Back at Hassan’s office, the phone rings, and Mrs. Hassan answers. It’s Samir, and he is sending the president an IP address. I think it’s supportyourlocalgunfighter.com. Well, either that or lolcats.com. Jack punches in the addy and everyone sees Kayla on Infidels Gone Wild. Samir puts a plastic bag over Kayla’s head, and demands to be given File 33 in fifteen minutes or Kayla will die. Apparently File 33 is chock full of classified documents containing operational details of U.S. defense systems.
Hassan explains his treachery by pulling a Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. American imperialism and threats, blah, blah, blah. CTU claims they have a location on Samir and Jack beats feet, but not before explaining that millions of New Yawkers are more important than one whorish daughter.
Speaking of whorish daughters, Kayla tries to get through to SG1. Apparently, she is really good in the sack, because SG1 is having second thoughts. I mean, why waste a good piece of ass, right?
KILL COUNTER UPDATE: Unless I missed something, we’re at another big, fat zero. And this was the “MUST SEE!” episode according to last week’s trailer. Hmm . . .
3:39am-3:47am – Ugh, Dana is back, and Milton is still snooping around. Now, maybe it’s just me, but if I saw some toad walking around my divisional HQ, I would have him arrested. Dana? Nah, she politely escorts him to a conference room, where Milton demands to see the records of the Dana’s surveillance interruption. Dana calls Chico, Jr and tells him the jig is up and she will give Milton the files. Let’s hope, because I so want to see this scrote off my damned TV screen.
Harpy and Hassan are impatiently waiting for Samir’s call. Kayla is trying to talk SG1 out of his murderous intentions, and again she succeeds. The two run away and out onto the street. After jumping into a car, one of Samir’s lackeys pulls him out before getting knocked down. A second later, Samir appears and puts a round into SG1, center mass. BAM! Kayla does the smart thing for once and speeds away in the car while leaving SG1 dead in the street. No Valentine’s Day gift for her.
3:51am-4:00am – Kayla calls CTU as she is driving through New York. Isn’t that against the law? Use your bluetooth, you stupid bint! Kayla gives Jack a description of where she was held, and Chloe finds it – an abandoned bank. Probably closed down by Obama’s policies. Heh. Jack’s team enter the bank – by shooting a window (no Kill Counter points there) – and sweep the building. Samir and his lackeys are still there, so maybe we’ll get a kill. Chloe sees Samir and his boys leaving the building and Jack pursues. CTU uses facial recognition on the terrorists, and sees SG1. Apparently, SG1′s prognosis has been upgraded from dead to very much alive.
Jack figures out that Kayla’s car is wired with an EMP (electromagnetic pulse) and it explodes inside the CTU tunnel. EMP will knock out any and all electronics in the area, so now CTU is effectively blind. Nice destruction scene, and Dana will apparently live to fight another day – her records would have been destroyed, too.
The really sad part, though? This week’s Kill Counter tallied another big, fat zero. Lame.
Considering the buildup they promised us last week, I expected much more. The EMP was pretty nice, but the rest? Eh, not so much. Hopefully, next week’s episode won’t disappoint. Thanks for reading.
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Thanks for the Wyattastic summary, Tivo-style. You have lots of comapany in that we share your disappointment in the lameness of season 8. On its own accord its still worth watching, but compared to the multi-layered heart-stopping action, twists and turns from previous seasons, thei year’s is tame enough to be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. (Speaking of evil, untrustworthy and power-hungry, who won the Nobel this year…?)
Thanks again for your Tivo-rifficness, Wyatt. May the streets fill with vindication and warm blood on tonight’s episode.