Counterpoint: Jack is the best grampa ever!
By: Teri Bauer (the one who’s alive)

While Grandpa Oscar is in the bathroom again, going poopy (I bet he does that a whole bunch of times a day), I wanted to tell you why Jack is the bestest grampa in the whole wide world.

He doesn’t even look like a grandpa. I mean, he never EVER goes to the bathroom, unlike this Oscar guy, who I think has a cot in there.

Besides, if Jack’s such a bad influence, how come he’s saved the world like, a zillion times already?

I like Grampa Jack because we don’t play peek-a-boo or any other stupid baby games. We play “Interrogation” and “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?”

One time, we played “Nuclear Meltdown” and I got to put my Barbie Townhouse in the oven! I bet Grandpa Oscar doesn’t do cool stuff like that with his granddaughter. She’s gonna turn out to be a wimp.

Kim and “daddy” are moving to California with me, and Jack is supposed to move with us, but I think he has to save the world first.

What have you saved, Grandpa Oscar, besides 50 cents at the supermarket with a coupon?

When Jack hurts somebody, it’s always for a good cause. He just wants to make sure my mommy and I grow up in a safe world.

So Be Quiet, Grandpa Oscar. I would say Shut Up, but my mommy taught me that’s not a nice thing to say, especially to an old person.