TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 1:00 PM and 2:00 PM

grimace1:00:00 to 1:13:54
Agent Douche chews out Sarcastic Android for referring to Agent Streetwalker in the past tense as the Planet Mercury looks on… oh, wait, that’s Janeane Garofalo… But it’s all good because Agent Streetwalker wasn’t dead, she was just taking a dirt nap. Chiggy and Potato Face dig her up and revive her with Zombie Juice. Zombie Streetwalker wants to call her boss at the FBI, but Chiggy won’t let her because any of several moles could give a head’s up to Highlander/Tanneth.

Meanwhile, the Magic Bus pulls into an airplane hangar, Highlander/Tanneth hops out and promptly holds a gun to Jack’s head, drawing a rebuke from Zombie Tony. “Accursed mandrake!” he yells as Jack urges him to “take the shot.” So, Zombie Tony shoots Highlander/Tanneth. Meanwhile, Colonel Lionel Jefferson who is apparently working out of the MSNBC newsroom orders his guy, Tad Huffington IV, to pick up Morgan Freeman and shoot everybody so he can keep his diamonds.

1:18:04 to 1:26:58
So, Jack is persuading Morgan Freeman to trust him and let Potato Face put a secret transmitter in his teeth so he can infiltrate MSNBC headquarters and capture Lionel Jefferson. Morgan Freeman is reluctant, but Mrs. Freeman tells him he has to have courage. To which he replies, “Oh, gee, thanks, Mrs-Couldn’t-Wait-to-Pull-the-Chicken-Switch-in-the-Panic-Room.”

Also, Tanneth lays a guilt trip on Zombie Tony: “How could I ever have suspected a man I convinced to turn traitor to his own government would ever turn on me?” He also tells Zombie Tony to go to hell, which you can tell hurts Tony deeply.

Alfred the Butler is still trying to get President Cankles to “just back the hell off!” Colonel Lionel Jefferson meanwhile sets up two jets, one filled with 250 puppies, the other with 21 kittens, to crash into each other in a spectacular fireball. KA-BOOM!

1:31:12 to 1:36:28

President Cankles meets with her cabinet, who offer this advice. “Madam President, our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.” Cankles thanks Jimmy Carter for his advice, but says she is not backing down. She leaves, looking concerned and conflicted, holding out hope that Prime Minister Morgan Freeman can be recovered.

“Maybe the First Bald Dude can talk her out of this,” Alfred the Butler decides. “I’ll see if he’s hanging around in that chick’s apartment”

1:40:47 to 1:48:36
Potato Face shows Morgan Freeman the tiny transmitter. “Stand still while I jam this in your mouth.” “That’s what she said,” Morgan Freeman replies. Jack, meanwhile, apologizes to Zombie Streetwalker for shooting her and burying her alive, but also reminds her to count her blessings. “Every other woman I’ve ever liked has ended up dead or with Spam for brains, so, you’re actually doing pretty good.”

Anyway, first Bald First Dude is paralyzed in the apartment while Kevin Bacon acts out “Friday the Thirteenth” in front of him with the Skinny Gretchenish chick.

1:52:56 to 1:59:59
Tad Huffington IV pulls up in a van to pick up Morgan Freeman, claiming he iced Jack and Tanneth. Tad Huffington IV asks where Morgan Freeman is, and Zombie Tony says he’s on ice. Zombie Tony demands to see the ice before he gives up Morgan Freeman. Tony takes the diamonds, Tad’s men try to shoot him, but Zombie Tony and Jack drop them. They let Tad Huffington take Morgan Freeman to MSNBC headquarters.

claw

Meanwhile, First Bald Dude recovers enough from his paralysis to use the Claw of Death to take out Kevin Bacon in a classic railing kill.

And Colonel Lionel Jefferson decides to kill 18,000 Americans by blowing up the Acme Deadly Chemicals plant in Kittenburg, Ohio.

Tck-Tock

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Tuesday, January 27th, 2009 by V the K • Season 7, TiVo Blogging Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 1:00 PM and 2:00 PM”

  1. 55 says:
    January 28, 2009 at 2:15 am

    I can’t believe they gave Freckles a silent clock for ALMOST dying and didn’t give Hottie one for getting shanked through the heart!!!

  2. rob says:
    January 28, 2009 at 8:56 am

    I caught Jack’s latest movie “Mirrors” the other day. All I can say is that you can take Jack Bauer out of “24″, but you can’t get the “24″ out of Jack! There were more than a few “Jack Bauer” moments in that flick…

  3. erpel says:
    January 31, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    I think having Streetwalker in her grave was the best 24 episode ending in a long time.

    Also: What’s worse than beeing buried alive? Chloe beeing the first person you see after beeing dug up :)

    Thanks for the TiVo blogging, the new liveblogs are extremely tireing to read and barely funny. Keep up the great work.