Jack Bauer in Africa?

Toto sang about it, Shaft went to there, et tu Jack Bauer? The “writers” of 24 are trying to tie in a trip to Africa for Season 7 of 24.

Season 7 of 24 promises to be its tensest yet — at least on the set.

Execs at the Fox hit have scrapped virtually their entire story line for the season, delaying the start of production by roughly three weeks. According to sources, the 11th-hour time-out was called after the network put the kibosh on a costly plan to shoot a number of episodes in Africa.
(Source)

I think you can sum it up with a simple “What the hell!” If Jack Bauer goes to Africa, it’s for damn sure that he’ll need better plots stashed away in his manpurse last season… Let’s come up with some ideas for Jack’s trip to Africa and help out the people at Fox who are obviously having a collective brain fart of ginormous proportions.

Possible Plots involving Jack Bauer in Africa:
-Season 7 mole lives in a pack of wildebeest
-Jack Bauer kills all rouge Russians, mobsters, and Muslims in North America, Australia, South America, Europe, and Asia. So he heads to Africa since Al Gore made Jack Bauer pledge to avoid Antarctica because his testosterone would do further damage to the ice caps
-Jack Bauer knows that Scar is behind the death of Mufasa and plans on torturing him until he confesses or cries like a girl (or both). Hakuna matata dammit!
-Kim Bauer gets cornered by a cheetah
-Jack Bauer sat through Madagascar and wants his damn money back
-The Sentinel II: African Adventure won’t film itself.
-Jack wants to win Audrey over by getting her a diamond ring…a blood diamond ring.
-Jack’s finally checking up on Luis Rakotozafy to see where his damn inheritance money is!
-Travels to Zimbabwe, meets Robert Mugabe, kicks his ass…twice

Got any other plot suggestions for the lackluster bunch of buffoons that call themselves writers? Post them in the comments section, we will pick the best and email them to Fox.

9 thoughts on “Jack Bauer in Africa?

  1. Sorry about the unrelated question. But I’m trying to confirm whether or not there was a season (3, maybe??) where Fox screened a teaser for 24 in movie theaters. I remember reading about plans for it but never saw it.

  2. I figured maybe he was going to Africa to help out that poor guy from Nigeria (or was it Madagascar?) who needed help getting his $8 million out of the country.

    (By the way, wouldn’t it take more than 24 hours just to fly to Africa and back?)

  3. I don’t think it’s possible to improve on this list–especially this suggestion:

    Jack Bauer kills all rouge Russians, mobsters, and Muslims in North America, Australia, South America, Europe, and Asia. So he heads to Africa since Al Gore made Jack Bauer pledge to avoid Antarctica because his testosterone would do further damage to the ice caps.

  4. It’s the writers attempts to join up with Resident Evil 5.
    You thought it was Chris in RE5?
    No, only one person can kick as much ass as necessary. Jack Anti-Zombie Bauer.

  5. Jack goes to Africa to kick Leonardo DiCaprio’s ass, steals the Blood Diamond, and chucks it at Charles Logan’s comatose head, in the Coma center of an undisclosed hospital. Or he pegs James Heller in the nuts with it, for telling him he can no longer date Horse Face.

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