Teri Bauer, Edgar Stiles, George Mason, David Palmer, and Ryan Chappelle. What do I NOT have in common with these people? These unimportant people all got silent clocks. I got shot twice today and all I got was this lousy CTU t-shirt. Where’s my silent clock?
Let’s review, I got shot in the freaking head defending CTU from Chinese terrorists. Bald headed mofo Ryan Chappelle got shot in the head by Jack Bauer. He got a silent clock. I didn’t.
Teri Bauer gave birth to Kim Bauer, I’ll give her that. But, she sure didn’t keep Jack happy, just ask Marilyn and her love child, Josh. She got a silent clock, I didn’t.
George Mason flew an airplane into the ground. Come on! It’s called gravity, you shouldn’t get a silent clock just for not flying. Plus he turned CTU over to Tony, a crackhead. Mason got a silent clock, I didn’t.
Edgar Stiles. Enough said. Fat boy got a silent clock that weighed 200 pounds, I didn’t.
David Palmer got one….AND HE WASN’T EVEN DEAD! Palmer got a silent clock and returned the next season, I didn’t and won’t.
It seems like the committee who gives out silent clocks may question where I was for the past seven years. Sure I was at CTU-LA for Day One only to disappear until Day Six, I was transferred to CTU-Denver. You know what happened in Denver, nothing. Denver was really, really boring. The most excitement we had was when Doyle got drunk at a Broncos game and called in a bomb threat.
Excuses are like tactical teams, everyone has one to spare. The facts are that I died protecting CTU. I took a bullet for Marilyn Bauer. I got Nadia to smile. And I deserve a silent clock.
by Zombie Edgar Stiles