Blogs.4Bauer

Digital Spy reports that 24 could be moving to NBC from Fox.  This makes my dream of watching a 24-Office mash-up closer to reality.

Jack Bauer spending 24 hours at Dunder Mifflin…oh the possibilities.

Shoots And Spatters Caption Contest
(Source: 24 Wikia)

Submit your original caption for this photo in the comments section, or we’ll shove you into an oxygen chamber. The winners will be announced on Monday. March, 15th. Good luck!

Other Current Contests:
Cowboy Blob
Family Security Matters
Military Times
Rodney Dill
RT
Support Your Local Gunfighter
Wizbang

The barely literate writers of Variety report that FOX will announce this season as the end of 24 in the next day or so. No, I am not serious about the writers of Variety being barely literate, I just needed to lash out at someone. Maybe 24 Executive Producer Brannon Braga is to blame? He helped drag Star Trek into the gutter with his amateur bullshit. Anyway, I digress. 24 has 13 episodes left forever.

Well, this week the Jack Bauer Kill Counter erupted – at least compared to the last two zero-infected episodes. While there were no Jack Bauer kills this week – although he had an arguable assist on the Marcos push – there were a mere two DAMMITs. Looks like it was another Wyattastic evening.

We do have a winner, though. Steveegg wins this lame-ass week with his guess: “Now that I’m commenting in the right post, I’ll go with 2. DAMMIT!”

Congratulations, Steve. Your sweaty Kayla bedsheets are enroute to your secured location.

Here’s the post for tonight’s JBKC3.5 2am-3am. Enter your best guess in the comments.

Each week we will ask you to submit how many points you think Jack will get, the person closest wins. Submit how many points Jack Bauer will rack up in tonight’s episodes in the comments – we will publish the winner on Tuesday (3/2).

Kill Counter 3.5

3 kills = 3 points + 3 combo = 6 points

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point
“Cover me” = 1 point
“Drop the weapon” = 1 point
Use of a Jack Sack = 5 points
Shooting down a helicopter = 10 points
Mentioning Kim Bauer = 2 points
Apologizing for anything = -5 points
Crying = -5 points
Surrendering to bad guys = -10 points
Headbutting anyone = 20 points

Previous Jack Bauer Kill Counters
Season 5 Kill Counter
Season 6 Kill Counter
Redemption Kill Counter

Previous Season 8 Winners
Midnight-1am – Steveegg wins with nada: “Filler night – 0.”
1am-2am – Wisekrakr and Juan Paxety win with “1″.

The Dirty Half-Dozen Caption Contest
(Source: 24 Wikia)

Submit your caption to this pic in the comments section or we’ll dress you in a red CTU shirt. The winners will be posted on Monday, March 8th. Good luck!

Other Current Entries:
Family Security Matters
Military Times
Rodney Dill
RT
Support Your Local Gunfighter
Wizbang

Top Three Comments:
3. “OK. As senior member, I get the pretty one. The rest of you get the fat friends.” – Ettublogge
2. “Screw Mapquest. I’m tellin’ ya, there’s no Hooters on this block.” – D. Dean

WINNER! – “OK, OK CTU says there is a Shell station a block ahead, I’ll C4 the door to the mens room and you can all pee. Next time, do that before we leave.” – Dick Lepre

Kevlar Ballistic Helmet: $300
Box of Surgical Sutures: $45
Yelling at Jack Bauer: Deadly

Greetings gang! My name is Wyatt Earp, and I am here for all of your TiVo Liveblogging needs!

And just as an aside, if there are any execs from TiVo in the audience, I just want to say you folks do good work – and I am available to be a paid spokesperson. Just sayin’. With that, let’s start the clock:

1:00am – 1:12am – We open the episode with Kayla, who has been awarded a conjugal quickie with her boy toy, aka Security Guard #1 (SG1). Being a vapid idiot, Kayla informs SG1 that she told President Wayne Newton about their romantic entanglement. Amazingly, it only made things worse. Duh, and or hello! What did you think your father would say when he found out the two of you were boinking, “Congratulations?” SG1 asks Kayla to come closer, but instead of hot bondage action, he tells her that he is planning to escape – with help from another security stooge. He wants her to meet him at the rendezvous point, and she nods in agreement.

Meanwhile, Chico, Jr is performing chest compressions on the corpse of Kevin Wade. Starbuck, master of the obvious, tells him that Kevin is now in White Trash Heaven – no, not New Jersey – and asks Chico to beat feet. To his credit, Chico, Jr refuses and pulls off his best Alonzo – asking her “You want to go to jail, or do you want to go home?” – and decides to wipe the van and dump the White Trash Twins in the swamp. Starbuck sheepishly agrees.

Back at CTU, Hastings is in a conference call with President Cankles and Weasly McChiefofstaff and tells them about Farhad’s defection. There is a lot of talk about “rod smuggling,” yet Johnny Weir is nowhere to be found. Cankles is on board with Jack’s rescue of Farhad, and hopes that the rods can be found quickly. Heh. Curiously, the terrorists holding the rods – heh – are believed to be affiliated with the IRK organization. Dude, really? IRK? Yeah, I hear they are very IRKsome.

Jack is enroute to Farhad with a Chevy Suburban full of red shirts. Someone warm up the Kill Counter, please! Bauer is pairing with the Pimply-Faced Teen, and you just know that his ticket will get punched tonight.

On the po’ side of town, President Wayne Newton meets with Cankles and tells him about the IRKs. He is playing hardball with the IRK files, but backs down when Cankles tells him that she will make his country glow if America is attacked.

Out on the road, SG1 is being transported to the embassy. Sure enough, he was given a handcuff key, and after unlocking himself – and pulling out his gun??? – he stops the vehicle and orders the guards out. Incredibly, SG1 had the car pulled over on the most deserted block in New York City – Times Square. Dude, at 1:10am, every street in NYC has at least a dozen people on it, for cripes’ sake! SG1 has the guards handcuff themselves in the back of the car, calls Kayla to tell her he loves her (gag), and runs to the rendezvous point. Literally. He runs!

At the end of last night’s episode, just before Ernie Anastos previewed what would be on the 10pm news, The Jack Sack helped coin a new word that will become part of 24 lexicon forever.

In honor of his (and Wyatt’s) contribution, I’ve submitted “Wyattastic” to Urban Dictionary where millions of people looking for crude sexual innuendo will instead be taught about Wyatt’s penchant for liveblogging episodes of 24 where even Jack Bauer looks bored.

For example, as TJS stated, last night’s episode was “Wyattastic”.

Submit your own examples of using this new word in the comments.

Update: Urban Dictionary published an entry for Wyattastic.

You know, there is nothing more infuriating than having a Jack Bauer Kill Counter that sits around collecting dust. Last week’s episode saw the JBKC take a sabbatical, and considering that this week included a Jack-led SWAT team assault, many of the guesses were high. However, some folks figured on the Wyatt jinx, and while I was working last night, I saw the grim news during my TiVo blogging. The Kill Counter took the damned night off again! No death, no destruction, no “Dammits!”

We do have a winner, though. Actually, we have a tie. Two readers were the closest to the sum total this week. Both Wisekrakr – “1, but I sure wish I’d miss this by a lot to the positive side.” – and Juan Paxety – “Hoping to get the counter spinning, I’ll guess only 1.” – guessed 1, which was one off of the actual (lame) total of zero.

Congratulations, kids. Your autographed Farhad Hassan death shrouds are on their way!

Here’s the post for tonight’s JBKC3.5 1am-2am. Enter your best guess in the comments. Steveegg won last week with a guess of zero.

Each week we will ask you to submit how many points you think Jack will get, the person closest wins. Submit how many points Jack Bauer will rack up in tonight’s episodes in the comments – we will publish the winner on Tuesday (3/2).

Kill Counter 3.5

3 kills = 3 points + 3 combo = 6 points

Bonus Points
“Dammit” = 1 point
“We don’t have enough time” = 1 point
“Cover me” = 1 point
“Drop the weapon” = 1 point
Use of a Jack Sack = 5 points
Shooting down a helicopter = 10 points
Mentioning Kim Bauer = 2 points
Apologizing for anything = -5 points
Crying = -5 points
Surrendering to bad guys = -10 points
Headbutting anyone = 20 points

Previous Jack Bauer Kill Counters
Season 5 Kill Counter
Season 6 Kill Counter
Redemption Kill Counter

Previous Season 8 Winners
Midnight-1am – Steveegg wins with nada: “Filler night – 0.”

RedHot Potato Caption Contest
(Source: 24Wikia)

Submit your caption for this photo in the comments section, or we’ll send a naked Dana Walsh to your house – and no one wants that. The winners will be posted on Monday, March 1st. Good luck!

Other Current Contests:
Cowboy Blob
Family Security Matters
Military Times
Rodney Dill
RT
Support Your Local Gunfighter
V The K
Wizbang

Top Three Entries:
3. “I’d like to know where you were hiding that com device when you were with that Russian guy you pin cushioned.” – Heyhilbo
2. Chloe mumbling under her breath: “I beg and plead to get Jack involved and he refused. Then Agent RedHot comes along and plays all damsel in distress and Jack jumps in faster than a Jack Rabbit on a date.. BITCH!!!” – Sunny

WINNER! – Chloe: If I just move my hand 6 inches closer.
Renee: And I move my hand 6 inches closer.
Chloe: And I take a 1/2 step closer.
Renee: And I move back 1/2 step.
Chloe: And I put my around you near your ample chest.
Renee: And I hold you hand upon my breast.
Chloe: And I reach for my laptop with my other hand.
Renee: And I slowly reach into my sweater for a knife.
Chloe: And I ram the laptop on your head.
Renee: As I turn and plunge my knife into your stomach.
Jack: And that girls, is what I call foreplay. – Ettubloge

So, I am searching teh internets for pictures of the deliciously hot Nina Myers when I came across this little info nugget on Wikipedia. Apparently, Sarah Clarke (the babe who played Nina) and Xander Berkeley (who played George Mason) are married!

My world started spinning and I collapsed on my living room floor. When I came to, this nugget gave me a brain aneurysm:

“As of January 2010, Sarah is seven months pregnant with her and Xander’s second child.”

Eh, what? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I hate you, George Mason! I’m glad you died in that plane crash!!!